mmm...infidelity

Does a lap dance constitute cheating? Some 32 percent of men think so.

I bought my first copy of GQ last weekend. It was a decision motivated by boredom and the fact the April edition was billed as the magazine's second annual "Love, Sex and Madness Issue." All in all, it was $3.99 (plus tax) well spent, as I learned all about both Lindsay Lohan and Tori Spelling's ex-husband. Hot.

The most fascinating find, however, was "It's Not Cheating If...," a piece based largely on a survey of "504 sober American men." That's where I got the aforementioned statistic. Here's some other findings of note:

*Twenty-five percent of men said fantasizing regularly about another woman was cheating.

*Fifty-three percent said phone sex was cheating.

*Sixty-five percent said cybersex was cheating.

*Ninety-two percent said hooking up with a co-worker was cheating.

*Ninety-five percent said hooking up with an ex-flame was cheating.

So what does this do for me? Other than reaffirm a belief that guys are pretty much the meanest people ever? Nothing, I guess.

But more than anything, I really don't think that the whole cheating issue is all that complicated. Guys...if you're in a relationship and you're getting physical gratification from another woman, you're cheating. I guess the blurry lines come more in regard to emotional gratification, but even that isn't too hard to decipher. If you've bonded with another woman to extent that you feel closer to her than the girl you're in a relationship with/married to, you're probably cheating.

The thing that annoyed me about the majority of guys interviewed in the article is this summary of their beliefs: "No matter what the act, if it's purely physical, it's not really cheating. Cheating is only cheating if there's a deep emotional component; otherwise it's a mere slipup that can be rinsed away with a hot shower and a bouquet of daffodils from the airport gift shop."

I have no doubt that's true on the guy's part...but in many cases, while the guy is dismissing an event (or series of events) as a "mere slipup," the girl is entertaining fantasies of future dates and exclusivity.

Trust me. I understand all about primal urges and carnal cravings. I've never cheated on anyone, but I know plenty of unfaithful girls who have done things far worse than anything outlined in GQ.

Most of all...this whole issue brings me back to the importance of defining your relationship. Because, as I discuss at work virtually every day, people have different understandings of even simple terms like "dating." While one person may define it as merely going on dates -- in which case hooking up with other people is OK -- the other person may think it implies exclusivity. Thus, you'll be labeled a lying, cheating snake when really you just operate on a different vernacular.

Whatever.

Maybe cheating is just a fact of life. Sometimes, however, I wish you didn't have to count on a 504-person poll to convince yourself your partner isn't creeping on the down low.

Thoughts?

what's going on tonight?

Expect the usual Thursday night options. Low-key partiers can opt for open mic night at Fountain City Coffee. It's free and starts at 8 p.m.
If the pictures in the post below turned you on -- or not -- go to the scene of the crime, Broad Street Blues in Phenix City. House band Peggy Jenkins and the Rythm Roosters will perform. The show starts at 9:30 p.m. and there's a $5 cover.
Soho Bar & Grill is also slated to offer live music tonight, with a performance by the Spencer Durham Group, a Georgia jam band fronted by an 18 year old. Band members compare themselves to The Black Crowes and The Grateful Dead. The show is $5 (ladies free) and starts at 10 p.m.
Finally...you can always opt for the usual booty shaking party at The Vault, where DJ Che will take on his standard Thursday spinning. The party starts at 8 p.m. and it's $5 (ladies free).
Happy Thursday. Can't wait for the weekend.

elizabeth the rockstar

These pics are long overdue, largely because I had to set up a separate Photobucket account prior to posting them. Thanks again for the help, Brog.

Anyway, we took the photos during a recent night out at Broad Street Blues, that new Phenix City club I'm always talking about. I got the pics courtesy of Elizabeth, the uber-hot chick I'm hugging in both shots.

The evening was a blast, especially since it marked one of Elizabeth's first nights out in quite some time. Her boyfriend Ira recently left for Iraq, so needless to say, she's had more serious things on her mind than scoring a cheap margarita or mastering her cage-dancing skills.

I can't even imagine what that must be like. I devoted about a year of my life to a quasi-long distance relationship. Even with the ease of being able to fly cross-country to see the then-man of my dreams, I still was never really able to enjoy a Saturday night like my friends who could with a phone call reach their crushes and be holding hands at the bar almost instantly.

In a statement courtesy of Captain Obvious, being away from the person you love sucks. Not only is there the pain of watching other couples caress and cuddle, but there's also the guilt that comes with feeling like instead of having fun, you should be at home pining away for the one you miss. Not to mention the fear that at one moment the bar music might be so loud that you'll miss the phone call you've been waiting for all week.

Elizabeth, however, is doing a much better job handling her boyfriend's absence than what I'd ever expect out of myself.

Weekends become so routine that you forget sometimes that going out isn't always as easy as putting on body glitter and a pair of stilettos. Cheers to everyone with the will to get off the couch, remove their hands from their cell phones and hit downtown with the best of 'em.

You're the coolest.

lights, camera, action?

So today, in an attempt to better understand the male brain, I was playing around on AskMen.com. Shortly after reading "The Top 10 Ways to Get the Office Babe," I came across this article about the top 10 chick flicks guys can allegedly stomach.

It made me laugh, largely because I've been discussing my immense hatred of most chick flicks for the past week. When some of my female co-workers wanted to devote a recent Saturday night to watching "Under the Tuscan Sun," I threw a giant fit and eventually was successful in aborting the mission and going downtown instead. (Sorry, Dawn!)

I don't really hate all chick flicks. I just hate the ones that focus on someone who gets dumped and then rediscovers herself. So 99 percent of chick flicks.

My reason? I just feel as if these movies often work to only deepen depression by putting dejected women in a room together with a lifetime supply of Kleenex when the same women could be ditching their attempts at self-analysis, getting off their butts and actually filming another chapter of their own life movies.

Moreover, the majority of these breakup-turned-good movies work on a premise that something life-changing and inspirational will happen to you after you're dumped, when in reality that's not always true. You could spend months crying in front of your TV and gaining weight on Eskimo Kisses ice cream. So ironically, these movies also have a tremendous potential to backfire when a viewer comes home not to a mysterious stranger or lucrative independent career offer, but instead the same memory-inducing sheets she sought to escape.

Anyway, here are the top 10 chick flicks guys can enjoy, according to the article:

10. Meet Joe Black
9. Desperately Seeking Susan
8. Thelma and Louise
7. An Officer and a Gentleman
6. When Harry Met Sally
5. Serendipity
4. The Craft
3. Blue Crush
2. Mean Girls
1. Bridget Jones' Diary

I'll be anxious to hear what you think. I disagree with the list to some extent, because its writer seems to define "chick flick" as any movie with an ensemble cast that is primarily female.

False. Right?

hate her

I'm writing this post largely as a service to my co-workers, who have been forced to listen to me complain about Heather Mills since approximately 9:47 this morning.

Basically I really hate her.

Prior to "Dancing with the Stars," I'd heard about her in tabloids and the like, but I never gave her the intense hatred I've attached to stars like Tara Reid. That changed when I started watching "Dancing," though.

My temper first rose last week, when she performed a flip maneuver that technically violated one of the show's major rules -- at least one foot must stay on the ground at all times. Actor Mario Lopez violated this rule multiple times last season, and was consequently penalized. The judges said nothing about Heather's mishap, though, and instead praised her for her courage.

(Side note for anyone unfamiliar with Heather Mills: She has a prosthetic leg.)

That was a technical element, though, and it really didn't bother me too much. But here's what really got me going. This week, in order to perform the jive, Heather got entirely new -- and likely very expensive -- prosthetic leg that would let her jump.

Sure, she probably looked great, but it just angers me how she's repeatedly hailed as this gigantic inspiration for disabled people when the reality is that the average handicapped individual lacks the money to buy a specially designed limb to deal any time life throws out a new challenge.

I don't care about the whole Paul McCartney divorce thing. I do, however, care about the fact that she's using the "Dancing" opportunity not as a chance to highlight courage, but instead as an opportunity to rub social and economic disparities in the faces of the many fans she could be inspiring.

Hate her.

need something to do tonight?

It's Tuesday, usually a dull night in the Columbus area, but the Chicago Afrobeat Project is performing at The Loft. Let's just say Africa doesn't come to Georgia often. Check it out. The show starts at 8 p.m. and costs $5. Don't forget...Tuesday is the new Friday.

punk this

So it's April and I'm wishing everyone a very happy April Fool's Day, even though I'm three days late. Even though the prank-inspired holiday has come and gone, I strongly encourage you to check out this article in the Chronicle of Higher Education about college pranks taped for YouTube purposes.

It's pretty funny...you'll see a roommate's possessions screwed to a room's ceiling, not to mention a college lecture interrupted by one student's attempt at a musical.

Aside from the time I got busted in college for some prank calling, I can't say I've executed too many punk'd-type ventures successfully. My biggest achievement, I think, is when I was part of a plan to put an open-faced tostada on a classmate's seat during a third-grade Cinco de Mayo party. She sat on it, and proceeded to get refried beans -- and more -- smeared all over her butt.

My partners in crime got the obligatory recess time-outs, but my teacher was so reluctant to believe I was part of the plan that she didn't give me any kind of punishment. Eventually, however, the guilt got to me and I gave myself a voluntary time-out.

Yeah...I'm weak like that.