have a date by dec. 31

Or maybe not.

This week has been pretty slow, but this random gem still managed to surface on the Internet. It's an article called "31 ways to meet a quality man," but don't get your hopes up. Here's No. 8: "Be friendly at the grocery store. If a man hovers around the pasta, give him your grandmother's recipe for tomato sauce."

Um, yeah. I carry THAT around with me all the time.

three's company

This site has an interesting article: "Five women with whom your girlfriend would have a threesome." The winners:

1. Heidi Klum

2. Angelina Jolie

3. Shannyn Sossamon

4. Scarlett Johansson

5. Kate Winslet

I agree with three of the five....but I'd like to delete Shannyn Sossamon and Kate Winslet. I didn't even know who Sossamon was (get the Wikipedia entry here) and 95 percent of Winslet's films annoy me.

Their replacements? Jennifer Garner and Natalie Portman.

Thoughts?

NEW YEAR'S EVE

You asked for it. Here's the (kind of) official guide to New Year's Eve party spots in Columbus. This is a complete version that I cut and pasted from a piece I wrote for today's paper. To see the full article, click here.

Soho Bar & Grill , 5751 Milgen Road, will host a party with DJ music. It starts at 9 p.m. There's no cover, but customers can purchase a $10 party pack that includes party favors for two guests, as well as two glasses for free champagne at midnight. 706-568-3316.

Scruffy Murphy's , 1037 Broadway, will have a party with the rockers from Driven, as well as free champagne and party favors. Cover is $10, and the action starts at 10 p.m. 706-322-3460.

Muldoon's , 6499 Veterans Parkway, will have a party featuring local band Mindblender, as well as a breakfast buffet at midnight. Happy hour is 4-8 p.m. and the band takes the stage at 9 p.m. Cover charge. 706-327-9700.

Memory Lane , 1812 Midtown Drive, will have party favors, champagne and DJ music for guests beginning at 7 p.m. Cover is $10. 706-569-1165.

The Shanty Shack, 4475 Warm Springs Road, will host a party that's $30 per person, $50 per couple. That includes a breakfast, one bottle of champagne per guest, party favors, DJ music and a money machine game. Only 300 tickets are available. 706-507-3418.

The Uptown Tap, The Vault and Big City Club will have a joint party featuring champagne, a balloon drop with prizes and a Search for Baby New Year scavenger hunt. Tickets are $15 in advance, $20 at the door. 706-653-8277.

Buckhead Grill & Bar , 5010 Armour Road, will have a special menu in which entrees are $18-$30. You'll also get party favors, champagne and entertainment from the Donald Tipton Trio. 706-571-9995.

Daileys , 1039 Broadway, will have party favors, champagne and a performance by local band Seven Zero Sixx. The party starts at 9 p.m. Cover charge. 706-320-3353.

Belloo's , 900 Front Ave., will have champagne and a performance by the Mike Watson Trio. Cover is $5-$10. It starts at 9 p.m. 706-494-1584.

Spices Caribbean Restaurant & Bar , 4022 University Ave., will have a party featuring $15 seafood pails, champagne and party favors. Reserve a four-person table for $40. Staff recommends making a reservation by today. 866-814-2202.

After 5 , 3709 Gentian Blvd., will have a party starting at 9 p.m. 706-507-0024.

Bavarian House , 2528 Weems Road, will have party favors and DJ music beginning at 8 p.m. No cover. 706-257-1775.

AMF Peach Lanes , 1636 Bradley Park Drive, has two bowling specials. From 6-9 p.m., a group of up to six people can get a lane for $75. That includes a pitcher of soda and a large pizza. Then, from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m., a group of up to six people can get a lane for $99. That includes a bottle of champagne and party favors. Reservations for that deal must be made in advance. 706-324-4431.

The Sports Page , 5736 Veterans Parkway, will have a full-day party featuring football games during the day and a party with a DJ and karaoke at night. No cover. 706-641-9966.

Broad Street Blues, 913 Broad St. in Phenix City, will have a party featuring Peggy Jenkins and the Rhythm Roosters, as well as party favors and a champagne toast. Tickets are $15 or $25 -- the $25 ticket includes a steak dinner. Doors open at 6 p.m. 334-297-3200.

Locos Amigos Cantina , 1030 Broadway, will have DJ music, drink specials and a finger-food buffet around 1 or 1:30 a.m. Cover is $5, or $10 with drink tickets. The party starts around 9 p.m., and the restaurant is open for dinner as usual. 706-320-4520.

The Loft , 1032 Broadway, will host a party featuring The Old School Band and Big Saxy. Cover is $15, and the action starts at 9:30 p.m. 706-596-8141.

The Saloon & Oyster Bar , 6005 Macon Road, will have a performance by The Maria Gabriella Band, as well as champagne and party favors. Doors open at 8 p.m., show starts at 10 p.m. Cover is $10. 706-568-8400.

Oxygen ,1040 Broadway, will have party favors, champagne and prizes. Cover is $10 and the action starts at 9 p.m. 706-596-8397.

Meritage Cafe , 1350 13th St., will hold a special New Year's Eve dinner. It's $75 per person and reservations are required. Seatings begin at 6 p.m. and continue until 8:30 p.m. The restaurant will close by 10:30 p.m. 706-327-0707.

say what?

Here's a set of popular buzzwords from 2007. I'm usually kind of opposed to these list-type article, but some of these words are pretty sweet.

Like "bromance," a strong relationship between two heterosexual men.

Just waiting for the day when "guylence" makes it into one of these pieces.

post-christmas hangover

More in the metaphorical sense.

The day after Christmas is always so weird, especially when you have to work. On one hand, the holiday-induced pressure is over, and you most likely have a bunch of new stuff. But the other, you're tired, have a messy house and can't yet bring up any other major holidays without seeming selfish and/or ungrateful.

Oh well. I'll survive.

Still craving yuletide cheer? Check out this list of Christmas sex positions. Re-gifting a tried-and-true package never felt so good.

all i want for christmas is u

And you. And you.

OK, I know I've been borderline MIA lately, but thanks for sticking with me. Just wanted to wish everyone happy holidays and thank you again for your support of this blog.

I've never been a huge Christmas person -- the holidays usually function mainly to reinforce my own loneliness or remind me that I'm not being charitable enough during the remaining 364 days of the year.

Still, there's always one moment Dec. 25 -- even if it is brief -- that I forget about those concerns and feel like a kid again.

May your favorite moment last a little longer than usual this year.

Merry Christmas!

obligatory

I feel like I'll be shut out of humanity if I don't post something about Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy. So out of panic, I just did a Google news search on the issue. Turns out finding bizarre takes on the issue wasn't that hard after all. Here goes:

*A 16-year-old is pregnant. Who better to comment on the issue than Blair from "Facts of Life"? Sure, she didn't get pregnant as a teen. And was on TV, like, 20 years ago. But other than that, they're totally the same person. Read more here.

*Nickelodeon is considering airing a special about love and sex to explain the issue to its younger audience. Who, of course, has been living a completely sheltered existence until now. Get the full story here.

*The online version of TV Guide brilliantly decided to run this article, in which a "regular teenager" gives her opinion of the issue. My favorite part: "Now, I personally do not know Jamie Lynn Spears, but it is my guess that she, along with most teenagers, myself included, did not plan on having children pre-high school graduation."

who knew?

For all your urinary needs...here's a guide on how to use a men's public bathroom without annoying everyone.

Something I never thought about:

"Regulate your stream so that you pee as long as possible, since it's a scientific fact that the length of one's pee is proportional to the length of one's pee-pee."

Um...yes?

oooohhhh yes

Wow...I skip blogging for two days, and come back to a blogosphere that's apparently now under a Jamie Lynn Spears dictatorship.

I'll get to that issue in a minute, but here's some more pressing news: Saturday is World Orgasm Day, according to this article. Here's what will, um, go down:

"The day works like this: people from all over the world are encouraged to synchronise their orgasms at the exact moment of the Summer Solstice, which Down Under occurs this Saturday at 5:08pm. This is supposed to bring positive energy to the earth, promote peace, engender empathy, compassion and love, and even combat global warming."

Get those AA batteries ready, ladies!

(If you're wondering about the lack of recent blogging, it's because I've been totally consumed by our holiday lights competition. See the fruits of my labor here.)

self-obsession on the rise

Happy Monday!

Don't be too embarrassed if you've already Googled yourself once -- or seven times -- today. It's not an uncommon tendency, according to this article.

It cites a recent survey revealing that more Americans are Googling themselves, or at least more Americans are comfortable admitting they Google themselves.

Google yourself NOW.

What's the coolest thing you've ever learned on a Google (read: stalker) search?

what's going on this weekend?

I'm leaving you with one major must-do event:

The sexy Santa contest at Big City Club this Saturday night.

You have to understand...this contest kind of goes against one of my biggest holiday-season pet peeves -- girls who wear Mrs. Claus lingerie on an average weekend. Lingerie in public is only appropriate at Halloween. Christmas is not Halloween, no matter how warm it is here.

That said, if you really need to flaunt your red velvet bra -- sans cover-up -- in public, you might as well do it during a sanctioned competition.

Good luck, and ho, ho, ho.

paging captain obvious

Check out this article about the most ridiculously obvious sex studies of 2007. An excerpt:

People like to have sex for all sorts of reasons. So should it be any surprise that, when asked to give 237 possible reasons for putting out, the most common responses from college students included: wanting to experience physical pleasure; being attracted to their lover; or just simply sex feels good?

Perhaps the tragic bit about these findings is that researchers at the University of Texas spent five years and their own money confirming these ridiculously obvious motivations for wanting to knock boots.

Hopefully 2008 will yield a breakthrough study about the healing powers of YouPorn.

damage control

'Tis the weekend for office holiday parties, and I'm sure none of you are going to have any incidents involving spiked cider and a never-before-hot coworker.

But if you, um, have a friend who just so happens to exercise some impaired judgment, check out this article about how to manage holiday party hookups.

And tell me all the stories Monday!

woot woot

To Merriam-Webster's decision to make "w00t" its word of the year and add it to the dictionary.

Get the full story here.

"Facebook" was the second-place contender, in case you were wondering.

file this under random

Forty percent of Japanese men sit down to pee, this brilliant piece of journalism reveals.

Do with that information what you'd like.

vomit

Bad news for anyone who got a little too excited by my last post about holiday cocktails.

Most hangover remedies don't work, according to this article.

It lists possible cures ranging from exercise to water to greasy foods.

What, if anything, is your fail-safe hangover remedy?

i should be drinking...

A cosmopolitan, according to the results of this quiz that lets you find your ultimate holiday drink.

I'm pretty elated that the extremely in-depth set of questions led me to what is already my favorite cocktail ever.

If you're still in the mood for holiday quizzes -- who isn't? -- check out this test that helps you find which holiday movie is right for you.

Long live Prancer!!

baby alert

How do you feel about the news that Jessica Alba is pregnant? Think she'll do a semi-nude photo spread like Christina Aguilera?

riding the cotton pony

In her new song, Janet Jackson says she's "heavy like a first day period."

Um, TMI.

And blech.

Get the full story here.

the hills ends on a plateau

Contrary to all the hype, no major changes happened on last night's season finale of "The Hills."

What a surprise.

Sure, LC decided to go to Paris. Like, for a weekend. Big deal.

Anyway, in the show's aftermath, there's news that the Speidi wedding really is off, TMZ reports. The site says the couple is still together, but not getting married. And Heidi was not wearing her ring at "The Hills" after party, this article notes.

Speaking of the after party...Perez Hilton is reporting that LC threatened to not appear on the official after show if Heidi was on it. So Heidi graced the red carpet and left.

Finally, there's this interview in which LC admits parts of "The Hills" are set up, but for the most part, the show is a reflection of her real life.

Um, we'll see about that.

shameless self-promotion

I've started up my other blog, Ledger Idol, just in time for the seventh season of everyone's favorite reality TV show.

OK, make that my favorite reality TV show. That I have to blog about.

Anyway, fans of "American Idol" can count on Ledger Idol as their No. 1 source for AI news. I'll be live blogging every episode beginning with the Jan. 15 two-hour premiere, but you can regularly visit the blog NOW for daily updates.

I just posted a pretty interesting story about a Web site that lists what it claims are the names of this season's 50 finalists.

You can access Ledger Idol here.

I can't wait for a return of all my favorite AI commenters. That means you, Lisa!

the monday moan

So Scott Baio of "Charles in Charge" fame got married over the weekend, but plenty of your favorite '80s TV stars are still on the market.

Here are three of my favorite current singletons:

1. Mindy Cohn (Natalie, "The Facts of Life")

2. Gary Coleman ("Diff'rent Strokes")

3. Staci Keanan ("My Two Dads")

Which one do you think is most likely to be a bachelor/bachelorette for life?

what happened to knockin' boots?

Don't fear, country fans.

Knockin' Boots has been closed since Dec. 7, but the former downtown bar isn't gone for good. It's just relocating. No word on the new location, but a Knockin' Boots bartender told me the move should be complete by mid- to late-January.

I'll keep you posted as I learn more details.

See the country bar's MySpace here.

So until January...you'll have to find a new place to knock boots.

Consider it done.

weekend recap. gone wild.

Happy Monday!

Probably the best/worst part of my weekend was witnessing the folks from Girls Gone Wild get some footage at Big City Club.

Yes, you read that correctly. GGW was at Big City as part of their search for the wildest club in America. Which naturally meant there were girls on stage making out in their bras. And worse.

I'm all for a little drunken debauchery, but I don't understand how a girl could be so starved for attention -- or drunk -- that she's compelled to flash her crotch (no joke) for a camera. And how many guys want to be in a serious relationship with a girl who's willing to flash her chest for hundreds of random party goers?

Friday, I went to my first-ever party in Auburn. Ah, a return to college life. Granted, the host was a graduate student, but the shindig still had the same indecipherable pitchers of jungle juice/hunch punch/purple Jesus that characterized my old days of college partying.

And, naturally, the same three-hours-later vomit.

Disgusting.

what's going on this weekend?

Don't forget about the First Friday Bar Crawl downtown. You know the drill -- one cover, nine bars.

I promised I'd give a shout-out to Haywire, the band playing Friday and Saturday at Muldoon's. They have an early (7-10 p.m.) Tuesday show as well. Band member Kenny Miller told me if I showed up, they'd let me dance on the stage when they played Santana. I'd prefer Journey, but what can you do? We'll see what happens.

I'm pretty booked with the holiday lights judging Friday and Saturday nights, but I'll count on stopping at Belloo's Saturday for my friend Elizabeth's bday. Remember, every Saturday at the club is Little Black Dress Night. Ladies in LBDs get free admission, plus a $10 gift certificate for the bar.

Want a real adventure?

Today I did a little exploring of what may or may not be a (formerly) secret gay bar on First Avenue, near the old Subway. You'll notice it by the red door. Before, somebody told us it was a gay club called Questions.

On my way to work today, I saw it now has a sign that reads, "Club Odyssey Presents? The Hottest Show Bar in the Southeast."

Note: That question mark is not a typo. That is literally what the sign says.

A search of our newspaper archives shows that a Club Odyssey existed in the same place (I think) in 2005.

I'll hit this place up asap and let you guys know what's going on.

Have a great weekend and be safe!

lc keeps us guessing

Forgive me for blogging about "The Hills" again, but I just got caught up with the recent episodes last night (almost), and now I can't stop thinking about Monday's season finale.

LC has said she makes a life-changing decision in the episode. Here's an excerpt from this article:

“I know that something happened in our lives, but I don’t know what they’re showing…Something very exciting happens in my life. I can’t tell you what, obviously, because it has to air, but it was a life changing something,” says Conrad.

How excited are you right now?!?

On second thought, don't answer that.

bouncy smickleifigus

That's apparently my elf name, courtesy of this site.

Yesterday, I tortured everybody in my department by calling them by their grinch names, generated by a similar site. I think they got pretty annoyed, especially Sandra, whose name involved the word "crustybottom."

Everybody's being really quiet now, so rather than annoy them again, I'll calmly type their elf names here and wait for the civil unrest to begin later.

Here goes:

Brad Barnes = Blinky Tum-Tums

Dawn Minty = Sunny Angel-Pants

Sandra Okamoto = Cheerful Sparkly-Toes

Allison Kennedy = Chipper Smickleifigus

Chris Johnson = Peppermiz Smickleifigus

One question: What's a smickleifigus?

may the force be with you

Happy Friday!

I am soooo happy the week is (almost) over. Tonight I'm spending three hours judging holiday light displays for the Ledger's annual competition, which I'm in charge of this year. Yes, it's a lot of work, and things get a little repetitive, but I totally can't wait to see the homes. I'll be checking them out tonight through Sunday, 7-10 p.m. each night.

Anyway, if you need a Friday afternoon distraction, check out this collection of the 10 craziest Star Wars tattoos.

Because apparently, you're nobody until you have a Wookiee family portrait on your arm.

Good to know!

ode to the fat guy

Don't be surprised if a fat guy kidnaps you tonight...because I told Santa all I want for Christmas is you.

A guy at one of my previous jobs once told me that. Sexual harassment?

A funny photo gallery of kids terrified by Santa is available here. That's where I got the pic above.

The closest I came to being scared of Santa was last year when I took my dog Bayleigh Michelle to see him. He had some weird tattoo involving spikes on his wrist. But it was at a pet store, and all proceeds benefited pet charities, so I guess everything was OK. Right?

On that note, Bayleigh and I will do our annual Santa visit this weekend. He'll be available for photo ops Saturday 11 a.m.-4 p.m. at PetSmart (1591 Bradley Park Drive) and Petco (5550 Whittlesey Road).

PetSmart photos are $8.95, with $5 going to pet charities. Petco photos are $6.95 and $5 of that benefits pet charities.

Finally, click here to get the info on Santacon, an international event that's a giant party for people dressed as Santa. The closest one is at The Vortex in Atlanta next Saturday, Dec. 15. Get the details here.

Ho, ho, ho, bitches!

and the geek

Check out this poster, which offers 50-something types of nerds.

Need a bigger nerd fix? I just found this site, where you can apply to go on a date with David, the recent "Beauty and the Geek" winner. If you're a hardcore fan, you might actually have a chance, since the site is organized by his friends.

(David is the guy featured above, in case you were wondering.)

peevishmonster wickedfoot

That's my Grinch Name, courtesy of this site.

I typed in some of my co-workers' names for personal amusement, too. Here's what I got:

Brad Barnes = Scroogeytroll Wickedham

Sandra Okamoto = Bleakgroom Crustybottom

Allison Kennedy = Frownymonster Fussyshorts

Dawn Minty = Crabbyimp Crankyton

Chris Johnson = Grimgrinch Snippypants

Can't wait to hear your name!

ho, ho, ho

Just got sufficiently distracted by this site, Simon Sez Santa.

It lets you tell Santa to do basically whatever you want him to. And don't worry, there are "naughty" and "nice" versions.

Have fun!

speed dating!

Remember, you have until 2 p.m. today (Wednesday) to register for Saturday's speed dating event at the Columbus Marriott.

Designed for 20 males and 20 females, it's $40. The event runs from 7-10:30 p.m.

Registration info is available here.

don't do it!

As if you needed another reason to just say "no" to hooking up with your best friend.

Another story about the drawbacks of friends with benefits is available here.

An excerpt:

"The Michigan State study found that friends with benefit relationships often reach the point where one friend starts to develop feelings for the other, but only one-tenth of these arrangements actually end in a full-scale romance and unreciprocated feelings can lead to the demise of the friendship."

Be careful!

word up

Happy Hump Day!

Sorry for the lack of posts yesterday...I was hurrying to finish my work so I could go to the grand re-opening of Buckhead Grill, 5010 Armour Road. (Very nice, but last night's very crowded party was not for anyone suffering from social anxiety disorders.)

Anyway, Merriam-Webster has announced its nominees for the 2007 Word of the Year. Candidates range from "facebook" to "pugnacious" to "w00t."

Get the full list and cast your vote here.

I'm voting for "sardoodledom," by the way.

hello goodbye

While checking the MySpace for downtown Columbus nightclub Rhino's today, I was surprised to see that the page now reads, "Rhino's Is Dead."

Ouch.

I immediately assumed the club had closed, but after a brisk walk downtown, I realized there's no reason to be alarmed. Unless you're a goth kid who likes bands like Debutante Massacre.

See, the hot spot isn't closed. It's simply changed ownership, and gone from goth indie bar to (apparently) hip-hop baller joint.

There are fliers outside the club that boast a Sexiest Lady Contest Saturday nights with Foxy 105 and DJ Chip (see a video of him here). The flier also states, "VIP Lounge is available for big ballers!!!"

Hmm. This should be interesting.

to be or not to be

That is the question.

But here's another one: Are Audrina and Justin Bobby going to get back together?

It's Monday, which means "The Hills" is on tonight. Even if you're not a "Hills" fan, you should check out this quiz, which makes it pretty difficult to differentiate between lines from Shakespeare and dialogue uttered on popular reality TV series.

Scary, I know.

In the end, I scored 7 out of 10 on the quiz, which for some reason made me Lo. The Web site described me as "sassy, fun and smart enough to know the power of a cute hat."

Um, thanks?

get smart

In response to Entertainment Weekly's recent list of the 50 Smartest People in Hollywood, the NY Daily News has published this list of the 50 Dumbest People in Hollywood.

Lindsay Lohan tops the "dumbest" category, in case you were wondering.

The bigger news? The writer inexplicably left Paris Hilton off the list.

Huh?

the monday moan

Wow. Haven't done this feature lately. My bad.

Anyway, hopefully y'all will like this question.

This article lists what are allegedly the 10 best things to say to a naked woman. The author, a woman, prefaces the article with a story about how she got offended when a guy said "you do good work" after they finished hooking up.

She said it made her feel like a prostitute, the same feeling she got after a guy said "thank you" after sex.

So here's my question:

Would you be mad if a partner said "thank you" after you did the deed? What's the worst post-nookie line you've gotten?

Can't wait to hear what you think.