that's a wrap

Ladies, Johnny Depp may soon be inside you.

Trojan has offered him a $10 million deal to become the "face" of the popular condom manufacturer, according to this article. An excerpt:

Trojan bosses believe “Rubber Johnny” would not only expand sales in the US but also help inspire an anti-AIDS campaign to send free condoms to third world countries.

The Pirates Of The Caribbean star also holds huge sway with teen fans and one slogan the ad executives are playing with is: “Stand up with Johnny for safer sex.”

Can't wait to get in on the pirate's booty!

tasty

The fact that two individually delicious flavors exist doesn't necessarily mean they have to be combined.

Case in point:

1. Pizza-flavored beer, which you can read about here.

AND...

2. Meat-flavored water, which comes in varieties ranging from Hungarian gulash to peking duck. Check it out here.

Thirsty?

your mom

Happy Monday!

My family returned to California safe and sound, although my nerves are still recovering from a week of trying to make everyone happy. Very stressful.

The visit ended with a trip to the Mall of Georgia, an Atlanta-area destination that remains one of my sole reasons for staying in this state. Seriously. It's amazing.

I had mixed emotions as I sent my fam off to the Birmingham airport. On one hand, I was happy that I didn't have to hide my copies of Playgirl for another week.

But on the other, I was a little sad. It's kind of like how when you're riding a bike without training wheels, you only fall off after you realize your dad's hands aren't behind you anymore. I've done fine living away from my entire fam for nearly two years, but it's only when I realize how valuable their help is that I truly miss them.

Blame that realization for the 24 minutes I spent listening to my Boyz II Men CD on the ride home. Then I abruptly switched to Eazy-E.

Feeling homesick? Check out this site, Postcards From Yo Momma. It's a collection of e-mails from anonymous people's moms. You can even contribute your own.

what's going on this weekend?

Hey guys...sorry for the delay in posting. I'm off today since my fam is in town. But I still have time to update you on this weekend's offerings. Here goes:

FRIDAY

*Last round of Indie Wars featuring FBA, Manchester Black, Ocean is Theory and What Great Light. Ours to Alibi and Another Road Home will also perform. 7 p.m. The Core, $7. 706-565-7240.

*Spiritual Rez, 9:30 p.m. The Loft, $5. 706-596-8141.

*Mojo:Saint, 9:45 p.m. Broad Stree Blues, $5. 334-297-3200.

*The Relics, 10 p.m. Belloo's, $5. 706-494-1584.

*Forced Entry, 10 p.m. Daileys, $5. 706-320-3353.

*Blue Flashing Lights, State of Man, 10 p.m. Soho Bar & Grill, $5. 706-568-3316.

*Last Episode, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy's, $5. 706-322-3460.

*Racket Club Band, 10 p.m. Del Ranch Restaurant & Lounge, $5. 334-297-9177.

*Big Saxy, 6 p.m. Mediterranean Cafe, free. 706-320-9111.

SATURDAY

*The Modern Skirts, 9:30 p.m. The Loft, $8. 706-596-8141.

*The Joe Pitts Band, 9:30 p.m. Broad Steet Blues, $5. 334-297-3200.

*The Relics, 10 p.m. Belloo's, $5. 706-494-1584.

*Forced Entry, 10 p.m. Daileys, $5. 706-320-3353.

*Last Episode, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy's, $5. 706-322-3460.

*Racket Club Band, 10 p.m. Del Ranch Restaurant & Lounge, $5. 334-297-9177.

*Tayl, Capgun Criminals, 10 p.m. Soho Bar & Grill, 706-568-3316.

*Pipers Down, 9:30 p.m. Mediterranean Cafe, free. 706-320-9111.

what's going on tonight?

Here's your Thursday night lineup:

*The Shanty Shack hosts karaoke with cash prizes and drink specials. Must sign up for karaoke before 9 p.m. 706-507-3418.

*Joey Allcorn and the Hillbilly Band, 10 p.m. Soho Bar & Grill, $5 (free for military). 706-568-3316.

*Songwriter showcase, 8 p.m. Broad Street Blues, free. 334-297-3200.

*The Relics, 10 p.m. Belloo's, $5. 706-494-1584.

like you needed this...

Here are 10 reasons to have sex tonight, courtesy of erotic beacon WebMD:

1. Sex relieves stress

2. Stress boosts immunity

3. Sex burns calories

4. Sex improves cardiovascular health

5. Sex boosts self-esteem

6. Sex improves intimacy

7. Sex reduces pain

8. Sex reduces prostate cancer risk

9. Sex strengthens pelvic floor muscles

10. Sex helps you sleep better

Mmm. How's that for foreplay?

take that, zack morris

The permed mullet's gone, but the six-pack abs, apparently, are here to stay.

Mario Lopez is co-releasing a fitness book, this article reports. I understand the prospect of putting your beer gut in AC Slater's hands might seem a little daunting. But consider the factors contributing to his physical fitness ethos:

*Years pushing Screech into lockers

*Strenuous workout sessions with Jessie practicing for Bayside's Casey Kasem dance-off

*A stint flexing his muscles to pick up poop while hosting "Pet Star"

*An entire season mustering enough charisma to spur rumors of a heterosexual relationship with his "Dancing With the Stars" partner

*One word: Spandex

Additions?

hurts so good

The other day I wrote about a study concluding that to be happy, women should downgrade their standards when it comes to physical attractiveness. Now there's another scientific attempt to turn a relationship's lemons into lemonade.

Fighting with your spouse can lengthen your life, according to results of this study. An excerpt:

Women in particular may put their health at risk by holding back during arguments with their spouse, a 10-year study of 4,000 men and women from Framingham, Massachusetts, found. "Women who 'self-silenced' during conflict with their spouse, compared with women who did not, had four times the risk of dying, " according to findings published in 2007 in the journal "Psychosomatic Medicine."

The moral, I guess, is to fight like crazy -- assuming you're not around any guns or sharp objects.

That could have an adverse effect on your longevity.

sweet dreams!

Can't sleep? Count your previous bedroom partners.

I'm serious.

Insomniacs are more likely to count past lovers than sheep, this article concludes. Which means they've either hooked up with TONS of people, or just had really boring sex.

Thoughts?

yes! yes! yes!

Get ready to flex those nostrils.

Scientists have discovered a new sex nerve with endings in your nose. If it's legit, Nerve "O" could help substantiate claims that sexual attraction relies largely on scent.

Which scents, good or bad, do you most vividly remember from people you've been attracted to?

Get the full story on Nerve "O" here.

vacuous

Feel the rain on your skin. "The Hills" comes back tonight for the second half of its third season, and Radar has this drinking game:

Take a sip whenever...

Spencer uses the word "bro."

Justin Bobby is wearing an article of clothing he could have reasonably purchased from a girl's clothing store.

Justin Bobby is wearing an article of clothing he could have reasonably stolen from a Mexican day laborer.

Audrina looks as if someone just asked her for the fifth third digit of pi. (Note: This will get you wasted.)

Spencer acts in a plainly manipulative fashion. (Note: This will get you wasted.)

Stephanie Pratt demonstrates that she might actually be more manipulative than her brother.

Either the Eiffel Tower or the Arc de Triomphe is invoked as a metaphor for love in Paris.

Whitney prefaces or ends a sentence with "You know?"

Similarly: Whitney scrunches her face in a failed attempt to convey emotion and/or thought.

Spencer inverts an argument to shift the burden of guilt onto someone else.

Lauren claims she needs a "boy" to help her get over Brody Jenner. (Bonus sip if MTV producers immediately cut to Brody surrounded by a gaggle of trashy L.A. skanks.)

Lauren reminds Audrina that she should hate Heidi because Lauren hates Heidi.

Brent Bolthouse promotes his club-promoting company.

Justin Bobby is wearing a wool skull cap despite the fact that it's 80 degrees and sunny outside.

Justin Bobby is wearing sunglasses and/or a hat despite the fact that he's indoors.

Tonight's show starts at 10 p.m. on MTV.

low standards, high happiness

Hey guys...if you're ugly, here's some good news.

When attractive women wed uglier men, they have happier marriages, according to results from this study. Get this:

And women who marry handsome men had better watch out. Men who saw themselves as better looking than their wives were more likely to be disgruntled and have negative feelings about their marriage, experts found.

So get ready to downgrade, ladies!

Need inspiration? Check out this site.

jesus is hot

No, I'm not dedicating this post to my Easter rendezvous with religion, although I did thoroughly enjoy myself at church yesterday.

But the morning probably didn't hold a candle to the Hunky Jesus competition, an annual event organized by a gay charity group in San Francisco.

Looks like I'm not the only one with a fetish for beards and thorny crowns!

Get the full story here.

what's going on this weekend?

Here's your lineup. Happy Easter!

FRIDAY

*Customer appreciation party, 6 p.m. Broad Street Blues, free. 334-297-3200.

*Psyknyne, 10 p.m. Soho Bar & Grill, $5. 706-568-3316.

*Pistoltown, 10 p.m. Daileys, $5. 706-320-3353.

*Big Saxy, 6 p.m. Mediterranean Cafe, free. 706-320-9111.

*Blueground Undergrass with special guest Sally Jaye, 9:30 p.m. The Loft,$10. 706-596-8141.

*Little Brown Peach, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy's, $5. 706-322-3460.

*Claiborne & Friends, 10 p.m. Belloo's, $5. 706-494-1584.

*Racket Club Band, 10 p.m. Del Ranch Restaurant & Lounge, $5.334-297-9177.

SATURDAY

*Customer appreciation party, 9:45 p.m. Broad Street Blues, free. 334-297-3200.

*Fervor, Skinny, 10 p.m. Soho Bar & Grill, $5. 706-568-3316.

*Pistoltown, 10 p.m. Daileys, $5. 706-320-3353.

*Pipers Down, 9:30 p.m. Mediterranean Cafe, free. 706-320-9111.€ Driven, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy's, $5. 706-322-3460.

*Claiborne & Friends, 10 p.m. Belloo's, $5. 706-494-1584.

*Racket Club Band, 10 p.m. Del Ranch Restaurant & Lounge, $5. 334-297-9177.

damaged?

Ah, the woes of being Angelina Jolie.

Brad Pitt. Beauty. Lots of money.

Naturally, the equation makes for low self-esteem. Check out what she says in this article:

"I struggle with low self-esteem all the time. I think everyone does. I have so much wrong with me, it's unbelievable."

Now I know even seemingly perfect people can be tormented by inner demons, but I find this one a bit tough to believe. I hate it how when asked of their past, actresses without fail will always describe themselves as unpopular ugly ducklings.

I'm waiting for one of them to just be like, "Yeah, I've been perfect my entire life."

Actresses with alleged low self-esteem: Modest or fake?

some cool peeps

Happy Friday!

Excited about Easter? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Probably my biggest memory of the holiday is when as a 10 year old, I got my hair done on the day before Easter. The hairdresser eyed my naturally curly, fro-ish hair and immediately decided to straighten it. Except the process hurt so much that I ended up screaming in pain most of the way. Eventually the exasperated stylist just gave up and made me leave.

So I went home with hair that was half straight, half curly.

Funny in retrospect, but not so much at the time.

Anyway, rejoice in the Easter spirit by clicking here to watch Peeps reenact some of your favorite movies, from "Office Space" to "Jaws."

what's going on tonight?

Here's your Thursday night lineup:

*The Kat Redd Band, 10 p.m. Soho Bar & Grill, $5 (free for military). 706-568-3316.

*Songwriter showcase, 8 p.m. Broad Street Blues, free. 334-297-3200.

*Gary Parmer, 10 p.m. Belloo's, $5. 706-494-1584.

*Dueling pianos, 10 p.m. The Vault, $5.

hot or not?

Sarah Jessica Parker is finally responding to an October 2007 Maxim magazine poll that named her the "unsexiest woman alive."

She calls the poll "brutal," but adds, "I really like the choices I've made. I am who I am."

The poll also referred to Parker as a "Barbaro-faced broad."

Get the full story here.

Ever since "Sex and the City" came out, people have told me I look like Sarah Jessica Parker. It really doesn't mean that much, since people compare me to anybody with curly hair. Still, I have to say I took the comparison a little harder once the whole unsexiest woman alive thing came out.

The thing is, I don't really think she's ugly. Neither do a lot of women. I think guys' dislike of her is driven in a large part by all the girl stuff that comes along with "Sex and the City."

Still...have you SEEN Britney Spears?

cheaters rejoice!

Next time your significant other questions your wandering eye, bring up this article.

It concludes mammals aren't wired for sexual monogamy.

There is, of course, an exception: a specific parasitic worm that lives in the intestines of fish. The article notes, "Among these animals, male and female pair up while adolescents; their bodies literally fuse together, whereupon they remain sexually faithful until death does not them part."

Jealous?

money shots make money

That's not included on this list, "10 important business lessons from the porn industry."

Not directly, at least.

You might laugh at first -- justifiably -- but some of the stuff makes sense. Take, for example, this bit of wisdom: "Fake enthusiasm. Learn to do it well."

True, true.

wine tasting!

Just wanted to remind you of tonight's wine tasting. Details:

Where: Ben's Chophouse, 5300 Sidney Simons Blvd.

When: 6-8 p.m., early arrival is recommended

Cost: $18 gets you six glasses of wine and select appetizers

Info: 706-256-0466

See you there!

crime scenes. kind of.

And a tamer list: AskMen names these venues as the worst places to break up with someone.

10. Your house

9. The office

8. On vacation

7. A wedding

6. At the parents'

5. A plane

4. A car

3. A bar

2. A restaurant

1. The virtual world

I agree with the list entirely, especially No. 1. I'll reiterate that yes, I have been dumped via MySpace. Please laugh. It makes me feel better.

That said...as awful as this sounds, where's the BEST place to break up?

wanna play?

Think twice before answering.

Here's a list of the 25 most disturbing sex toys, courtesy of Cracked.

Naturally, I can't give too many details in a (1 percent) family-friendly blog, but the list does involve the phrase "hooded spandex full body binder sack."

Mmm...submission.

Just in time for Hump Day.

new blog!

I'm proud to announce that my co-worker and BFF Lily Gordon has started a blog. She plans to write about everything from sunshowers to soccer games to possibly her favorite "Family Guy" scene involving Minnie Mouse.

You know which one I'm talking about.

(If you don't, click here.)

Anyway, Lily's a great writer with equally great life experiences, and her blog will quickly earn a spot among your Internet browser's favorite places.

To visit the blog, Lily Writes, click here.

do as i say, and as i do

It's either the best idea or the stupidest idea.

This lady is performing an experiment that requires her to live according to Oprah's wisdom for a year. I thought the project seemed cool at first, and then I learned one of the requirements included watching "27 Dresses."

Vomit.

Now could be a perfect time to link to this article, simply entitled "The Rise of American Incompetence."

tastes like chicken

Hungry?

Get ready to change your mind.

Here's an interesting article about a Beijing restaurant where the main entree is a certain male organ that I'm probably not allowed to type on this blog. Consider this excerpt, and then put the puzzle together yourself:

Less taciturn is the female manager of the place, who says that Chinese history is one of famine, poverty, drought and disaster, which is why the Chinese have become used to eating every part of the animal - they have to extract every edible morsel from the food they have.

Mmm. Who's ready for a snack?

st. paddy's recap

Happy Tuesday!

Last night I ventured downtown for the inevitable sea of St. Paddy's parties. Spent the night sitting outside Scruffy Murphy's, which made for prime viewing position for a variety of debacles. Standouts included some questionable wardrobe choices (just say NO to bare midriffs) and a girl who (successfully) mastered a handstand in heels while outside the bar.

But the night's biggest "huh?" moment came as I watched at least five separate sets of partiers walk down Broadway with children in tow. Granted, they weren't actually entering bars, but the whole experience was just very surreal. Proves the point that yes, there is a time when you need to retire from the party scene.

Thoughts?

luck of the irish...and virtual lovers

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Forgot to mention that Phenix City nightclub Broad Street Blues, 913 Broad Street, is having a party tonight with drink specials and giveaways. Doors open at 5 p.m. Call 334-297-3200 or visit the hot spot's MySpace page here.

See a complete list of tonight's festivities in the previous post ("lepreconjugal visits").

Need to kill some time before the drinking begins? Check out these tidbits:

*You're not the only one boozing it up tonight. Here are 50 random photos of animals drinking alcohol. Is it bad that the dog sleeping with a bottle of Coors Light is one of the cutest things I've seen in my entire life?

*Don't feel too bad about chugging that extra glass of green beer. It's your wine-drinking friends who should worry about their health. Beer shrinks your brain less than wine and hard liquor, this article concludes. No guarantee your perception of physical attractiveness will remain intact, though.

*Finally, we all risk the inevitable 2 a.m. beer tears perpetuated by visions of a lifetime of loneliness. But why cry when you can simply click here to get a virtual girlfriend or boyfriend? They're both kind of hot, in a Sims kind of way. And ladies, if you're not sold yet, check out this sample line from the virtual bf: "I love commitment and want to be married."

lepreconjugal visits

As promised, here's my roundup of local St. Paddy's Day festivities.

FRIDAY

*Scruffy Murphy's has a special show at 9 p.m. with Celtic and Irish tuneds by musical guest Henri's Notions. Cover is $5. 706-322-3460.

SATURDAY

*Memory Lane, 1812 Midtown Drive, hosts the Ultimate St. Patrick's Day Party featuring green beer, green martinis and green shooters. Expect DJ music. The party starts at 9 p.m. and cover is $6. 706-569-1165.

MONDAY

*Scruffy Murphy's opens at 11 a.m. and will serve traditional Irish food all day. Expect stuff like shepherd's pie, Irish stew, corned beef and cabbage. Evening will feature entertainment by a bagpiper, and then Connor Christian.

*The Shanty Shack, 4475 Warm Springs Road, has a free party featuring both DJ music and a performance by local band Mindblender. There's also drink specials. Party starts at 8 p.m. 706-507-3418.

*Downtown bars will host a party in which one cover will get you into a lot of Broadway hot spots. Individually, some downtown bars will host St. Patrick's festivities during Friday and Saturday as well.

*Soho Bar & Grill, 5751 Milgen Road, hosts a Classically Raunchy St. Paddy's Day Party with karaoke. 706-568-3316.

*Party at Buckhead Grill, the classy dinner destination at 5010 Armour Road, and get green beer all night. 706-571-9995.

(Note, if you'd like a T-shirt involving the phrase "lepreconjugal visits," click here. There's also one that says "Irish you were naked.")

single?

A couple weeks ago I wrote about new business Columbus Speed Dating.

They have two events scheduled for April:

Thursday, April 3: Singletons ages 23-35 can look for love at Caffe Amici, 7-9 p.m.

Thursday, April 10: Singletons ages 36-55, same place and time

Participation is limited to 10 men and 10 women at each event. Cost is $25 if you register by March 21, and $35 otherwise.

To register, click here or call 706-442-1515.

easy as pie

Happy Friday!

Just in time for the weekend...Men's Health has this article, "Learn the tricks to arousing the passion of any woman."

An excerpt:

Women are most receptive to praise when it reveals insight into their uncommon personality traits, Canadian researchers found. So tailor a compliment that subtly massages her ego. If she's a natural-born storyteller, say, "I could listen to you all night." You'll prove you see past her drool-inducing halter top and Wonderbra.

Um, yeah. That "I could listen to you all night comment"? When you're listening to your 437th recap of "The Hills," don't tell me I didn't warn you.

what's going on tonight?

Here's your Thursday night lineup:

*Whisky Bent, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy's, $5. 706-322-3460.

*The Relics, 10 p.m. Belloo's, $5. 706-494-1584.

*Jake Smith, 10 p.m. Soho Bar & Grill, $5 (free for military). 706-568-3316.

*Pipers Down, 9:30 p.m. Mediterranean Cafe, free. 706-320-9111.

*Dueling pianos, 10 p.m. The Vault, $5.

donna martin graduates!

Get ready for a couple more dinners at the Peach Pit.

The CW is developing a "Beverly Hills, 90210" spinoff, according to this article. The new show may or may not feature characters from the original series.

Which castmate would you most like to see return to the small screen?

no more wine snobs?

Here's an interesting article about a California wine consultant who's advocating a system that would take the "right" and "wrong" out of wine tasting.

He examines taste buds -- a process he calls "getting your buds done" -- to point out the sensory differences that make certain people adverse to even highly praised wines. An excerpt from the article:

His goal, he says, is to democratize wine once and for all. It's something the industry has been talking about for years: getting rid of the snooty sommeliers and insisting that it's okay to drink white zinfandel with your steak if that's what you like -- really. "There's no right or wrong" has become a mantra of the new generation of wine professionals.

The consultant, Tim Hanni, has developed this Web site, The Budometer, where you can take a quiz and based on your taste sensitivity to drinks like coffee and diet soda, find out your wine preferences.

Interestingly enough, even though I spent years living in California's winery-rich El Dorado County, I only got into wine after moving to Columbus. And that was mainly because I wanted to fit in with my friends, especially aspiring sommelier Dawn Minty.

I still really don't know what I'm talking about, but I love to pretend.

Want to dabble in the local wine world? Tastings are held 1-3 p.m. most Saturdays at Meritage. You get four 2 oz. pours for $10. Get details here.

Wednesday, March 19, there's a wine tasting 6-8 p.m. at Ben's Chophouse, 5300 Sidney Simons Blvd. Six glasses and select appetizers for $18. Call 706-256-0466.

she did WHAT with her legs?

Feeling flexible?

Check out this list of 12 things that are almost impossible to do with your body. I can do about three of them.

And yes, guys, there is a category called "strange tongue tricks."

Don't call me if you have a few swollen muscles tomorrow morning.

men! men! men!

Happy Thursday!

Lots of stuff to post today...beginning with this map featuring the ratio of men to women in different parts of the country. Believe it or not, Georgia's very own Chattahoochee County is at the front of the pack when it comes to available men.

(That's the county where Fort Benning is, btw.)

Anyway, in Chattahoochee County there are apparently 362 single men per 100 single women. Which I guess is good news for some people. If you like military guys.

Muscogee County, in comparison, has 84 single men per 100 single women.

I'm not really sure what to make of the numbers, since the mere presence of single guys harldly equals romantic success, but I guess it's a factor to consider when you're in a new place.

it doesn't feel good

Fortunately, that's not one of the entries on this list, "24 Things Love and Sex Experts Are Dying to Tell You."

I think my favorite insightful bit of wisdom is No. 2: "Sex: Just do it."

Happy Hump Day!

free show!

Feel like getting crazy on a Tuesday?

Then hit up Soho for a free show from a New York-based rock act fronted by a Japanese violinist.

The band, Jupiter One, cites influences like Talking Heads, the Cars and Gang of Four. They describe their music as "space-age orchestral rock."

It starts around 10 p.m., or after Soho's open mic.

See Jupiter One's Web site here.

Soho Bar & Grill is at 5751 Milgen Road in Columbus. Learn more here.

she's dating HIM?!?

That's the underlying question in this Web site, Hot Chicks with Douchebags.

Yep, real title.

It's a whole bunch of pics of girls who have clearly downgraded their taste in men. The captions and comments are equally entertaining.

And speaking of a skewed taste in men...don't forget that the new season of "Beauty and the Geek" premieres at tonight at 8 p.m. on The CW. Get more info here.

like an open book

I came across this story about a male blogger for Glamour who was recently fired for "playing grab ass."

Clearly, that's a technical term that encompasses some convoluted story involving not only herpes and a lip sore, but also a severe wandering eye and some selfish behavior in bed.

The whole thing, apparently, spiraled into this massive online hate campaign fueled largely by comments fired back from "Miss Smarty Pants," one of the girls the dropped blogger was dating. You can see the remnants of the controversial blog here.

The incident reminded me of this article whose author concludes blogs have ruined her dating life.

What's more, for over a year, I followed this writer's often-steamy dating blog. When some of her typed comments negatively impacted a relationship, she moved outside the realm of blogging about sex and romance. Days ago, she announced she's giving up blogging entirely.

I think people are far too comfortable with what they type in public forums, especially as it pertains to dating. There's this whole emphasis on emotional release, not to mention shared communities, that I think makes people mistake behavior that's harmfully self-indulgent as something therapeutic.

It's one thing if you've been grotesquely wronged, or you want to talk about shared relationship problems in a larger context. But online diaries and blogs have skyrocketed to the point that even average relationship quirks risk entering the public arena.

What do you think? Have blogs ruined the dating world?

get dirrrty

Here's an interesting article about the international history of bathing. The point? "Good" and "bad" smells are social constructs, and individual cultures determine what makes a body odor appealing. Or not.

Check this out:

Most ancient civilisations matter-of-factly acknowledged that, in the right circumstances, a gamey, earthy body odour can be a powerful aphrodisiac. Napoleon and Josephine were fastidious for their time in that they both took a long, hot, daily bath. But Napoleon wrote to Josephine from a campaign: “I will return to Paris tomorrow evening. Don't wash.”

To what extent is your daily hygiene regimen dictated by what you think is socially acceptable? In other words, would you only shower every other day if all your friends agreed to do the same?

high hopes

These shoes have "public humiliation" written all over them. And perhaps a scraped knee and twisted ankle.

But designers say soon, they'll be all the rage.

Think they'd ever catch on in Columbus?

brunch, anyone?

As promised, I ventured Sunday morning to Arricia in Auburn for brunch.

Assuming you're OK with the drive (about 45 minutes from Columbus), it's definitely a nice way to spice up your weekend routine. It's inside The Hotel at Auburn University, a swank venue that's pretty much right on campus.

The brunch, offered at about $18 per person, spans a nice selection of entrees. There's a prime rib carving station and omelet station, as well as pasta, salads, seafood, etc.

There's also a kids' station, where you can get (crustless) PB&J sandwiches, hot dogs, spaghetti and mac and cheese. Perfect if you're 7...or, in some cases, 32.

Anyway, it gets my stamp of approval, and you should give it a try.

the best part of monday...

Could be my discovery of this article, conveniently titled, "Finally, a reason to start drinking alcohol."

I slightly amended it to replace "start" with "continue," but you get the picture.

An excerpt:

People who started drinking in middle age were 38 percent less likely to have a heart attack or other serious heart event than abstainers -- even if they were overweight, had diabetes, high blood pressure or other heart risks, Dr. Dana King of the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston and colleagues found.

Many studies have shown that light to moderate drinkers are healthier than teetotalers, but every time, the researchers have cautioned that there is no reason for the abstinent to start drinking.

Now there may be, said King.

Just in time for St. Patrick's Day!

what's going on this weekend?

Here's your lineup. In addition to all this stuff, don't forget about the First Friday Block Party downtown. One cover gets you into the majority of Broadway bars.

FRIDAY

*The Rhythm Roosters featuring Billy Earl McClelland, 9:30 p.m. Broad Street Blues, $5. 334-297-3200.

*The Hot Rods, Siberia My Sweet, 10 p.m. Soho Bar & Grill, $5.706-568-3316.

*Connor Christian and the MorningStar Revival, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy's,$5. 706-322-3460.

*Indie Wars featuring FBA, Raise Up, When Forever Fails, What Great Light,7 p.m. The Core, $7. 706-565-7240.

*Big Saxy, 6 p.m. Mediterranean Cafe, free. 706-320-9111.

*Claiborne & Friends, 10 p.m. Belloo's, $5. 706-494-1584.

*Racket Club Band, 10 p.m. Del Ranch Restaurant & Lounge, $5. 334-297-9177.

*The Oneeders, 9:30 p.m. The Loft, $5. 706-596-8141.

*Jaded Soul, 10 p.m. Daileys, $5. 706-320-3353.

SATURDAY

*Yonrico Scott Band, 9:30 p.m. The Loft, $5. 706-596-8141.

*Steve Seskin, Billy Earl McClelland, local songwriters, 8 p.m. Broad Street Blues, $12 for entire show, $5 at 10 p.m. or when Seskin is through. 334-297-3200.

*Dead on Sunday, Go Kart Mozart, 10 p.m. Soho Bar & Grill, $5.706-568-3316.

*Claiborne & Friends, 10 p.m. Belloo's, $5. 706-494-1584.

*Racket Club Band, 10 p.m. Del Ranch Restaurant & Lounge, $5. 334-297-9177.

*Jaded Soul, 10 p.m. Daileys, $5. 706-320-3353.

switch up your routine

Your standard weekend party roundup will follow shortly, but I wanted to quickly draw your attention to a few things outside the ordinary:

*Hitting the Seinfeld show tonight? If you're willing to brave an inevitably large crowd, make a pre- or post-show stop at Houlihan's, 800 Front Ave. Just an e-mail informing me they'll have special "Seinfeld"-themed entrees, as well as cocktails -- including The Jerry, The Yada Yada and The Junior Mint. Call 706-653-1898 or visit their Web site here.

*Don't forget that Grammy-nominated songwriter Steve Seskin performs at Broad Street Blues Saturday night. He's written seven No. 1 hits, including Tim McGraw's "Grown Men Don't Cry" and Mark Wills' "Don't Laugh at Me." Local songwriters will also appear, and Billy Earl McClelland will perform a special acoustic set, too. Show starts at 8 p.m. Cover is $12 for the whole night or $5 at 10 p.m. or when Seskin is through.

*Finally, during a little soul-searching earlier this week, I serendipitously found this swank brunch spot in Auburn. It's an Italian place called Ariccia, and their Sunday jazz brunch is supposed to be stellar. It runs from 11 a.m.-2 p.m. (Auburn time), and reservations are recommended. Call 334-844-5140.

luck of the irish

Already green with excitement over St. Patrick's Day?

Then visit this site, an interactive petition -- sponsored by Guinness -- to make March 17 a national holiday. The campaign, called Proposition 3-17, needs 1 million signatures by midnight March 16 in order to move on to Congress.

Organizers needed 879, 971 more signatures when I last visited. So...get signing!

(Note to local partiers: I'm researching local St. Patty's Day festivities, by the way, and I should have at least a preliminary list up here soon.)

moon walkin' nookie

Happy Friday!

Need a mid-afternoon pick-me-up? Here's a fascinating piece about the ins and outs of astronauts getting it on in space. See if this excerpt gets your blood flowing:

“While a lot of scientists all over the world are busy searching for extraterrestrial civilizations, astronauts plan a more earthly contact, that is conceiving a human baby at the orbital station,” Rostislav Beleda, a Candidate of Medical Sciences said. Mr. Beleda worked as the chief sexologist at the Central Aviation Hospital for 14 years.

“The biggest problem is how to conceive, because liquid cannot be spilt under the condition of weightlessness,” he added.

“But they do not need a bed in space. They can love each other in the air.”

“And what will come out of that? As soon as he touches her, she will fly away in the opposite direction. A bed or at least some fastening device on a wall is more likely to be used.”

Jealous?

what's going on tonight?

Hey party people...here's your Thursday night lineup:

*There's a "Shanty Idol" -- read: karaoke -- competition at The Shanty Shack.

*Gary Parmer, 10 p.m. Belloo's, $5. 706-494-1584.

*12 Stones, Submersed, 10 p.m. Soho Bar & Grill, $5 in advance, $10 day of show. 706-568-3316.

*Connor Christian and the MorningStar Revival, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy's, $5. 706-322-3460.

*Songwriter showcase, 8 p.m. Broad Street Blues, free. 334-297-3200.

*Pipers Down, 9:30 p.m. Mediterranean Cafe, free. 706-320-9111.

more money, fewer problems?

Most men say they wouldn't be disappointed if they made less money than their wife, according to the results of this survey.

Do you think it's true?

When it comes to money, what do you think is the most potentially divisive issue for a couple?

bottoms up!

When I entered a bar for the first time on my 21st birthday, I was greeted with a shot of tequila and Tabasco sauce.

It took me four days to recover.

Luckily, there's lots of variations on that infamous recipe in this list spanning the 17 worst shots ever created. The names alone are entertaining, and the potential taste sensations are enough to make you want to vomit right now.

Among the most memorable? Smoker's Cough, which combines -- brace yourself -- Jagermeister and warm mayonnaise.

One, two, three...drink!

wham, bam...

Dreaming of a long night with your dream mate between the sheets?

Make that seven to 13 minutes.

That's how long the best sex should last, according to a recent study from the international Journal of Sexual Medicine. Get the full story here. Even three-minute sex is "adequate," the study adds.

Americans generally expect sex to last 15-20 minutes, earlier studies found.

Looks like some lucky women just earned about 10 extra minutes' worth of cuddling time!

xxxplore this

Happy Thursday!

Here's one Dora the Explorer toy that might have sounded better in theory than in practice.

Keep it clean, Nickelodeon. Keep it clean.

mandals in manuary

Here's an interesting article about the rise of the word "man" as a prefix. Some examples:

Mandals: Sandals worn by men

Manimony: Alimony paid to men

Manscaping: Male physical hygiene, collectively

Manny: Male nanny

Manzilian: Brazilian wax for men

Man cans: Male breasts

You get the picture. But it's not just about words, the aforementioned article's author concludes. An excerpt:

Today, in the new metrosexual manscape, it's not hard to see plain old male insecurity as the root of the current slew of words. Michael Adams, an English professor at Indiana University and editor of the linguistics journal American Speech, speculates by e-mail that a rise in man words may coincide with "cultural anxiety over issues like gay marriage and partner benefits, etc., issues that prompt some to identify themselves and others more aggressively."

Do you think "man words" are offensive, cute, annoying...or all of the above?

$1,102 an hour

That's how much I'm apparently worth in bed.

Not bad, especially considering that I've so far been operating on a donations-only basis.

The aforementioned number isn't a result of peer surveys, but rather this scientific device, conveniently called -- brace yourself -- the Gigolo-Meter.

Yes, you read that correctly.

You answer a bunch of questions -- 20, I think -- and then you get your sexual monetary worth. I, of course, will always consider you priceless, but you might want to give it a shot and see your going rate.

Act quickly. Inflation's a bitch.

strippers are multi-talented?

I just made a post on the "American Idol" blog about a strip club manager's confirmation that David Hernandez, one of this season's AI contestants, worked fully nude at his club for three years. Get the full story here.

Everybody, naturally, keeps asking me if I think this means he'll be disqualified, and my predictions point to no. Unfortunately, I really have no official authority with the show, as surprising as that sounds.

But I am amazed by how many celebrities have admitted recently to stripper pasts. Of course, there's recent Oscar recipient Diablo Cody, but did you know that Javier Bardem -- another Oscar winner this year -- had a brief career as a male stripper?

The trend even inspired Radar to write this feature, "Big breasts, bigger dreams," about career-minded strippers.

Are stripping stigmas outdated, or are these examples exceptions rather than rules?

sweet dreams. or not.

Here's an entertaining message board forum devoted to the topic of sleep behaviors potentially repulsive to a significant other. My favorite part is use of the phrase "nocturnal emissions."

When sharing a bed with a fling, have you ever taken measures to try to avoid certain embarrassing sleep habits?

Drooling? Snorting? Farting?

exaggerating the truth

Here's some bad news, guys:

Women aren't that honest after all.

At least that's one of the conclusions in this new book, which says women lie more cleverly and successfully than men.

After interviews with 500 women nationwide, the book's author found that 75 percent of women lie about how much money they spend, and more than 60 percent admitted to cheating on their husband.

Read more here.

What do you think? Do these findings surprise you? Do you have an easier time trusting women, or men?

blech

Sorry for the recent lack of posts. I'm not ignoring you...honestly. After weeks of bragging about my stellar immune system, I finally fell victim to the nasty flu that pretty much everybody and their mother has been complaining about this season.

But I'm back at work -- almost completely awake -- and new posts will be appearing all day.

Forgive me, OK?