Thursday, November 11, 2010

Veterans Day reflections

I've learned a lot of relationship lessons from the military spouses I've met in Columbus.

Even if my love life never involves a deployment, watching my female friends deal with husbands serving overseas has made me contemplate questions about sacrifice and compromise.

Lily Burana's Thursday "Modern Love" essay in the NY Times is a worthwhile read.

Burana, a military spouse, notes her husband reveals combat details mainly while watching war movies.

It marks a departure from her initial fantasies of their relationship -- fantasies that involved a level of trust so strong that her husband would easily reveal any lingering emotional wounds.

But ultimately, Burana concludes an absence of truth sometimes reveals a relationship's depth. She writes:

Since marrying a soldier, I have developed a greater respect for quiet, its limitations and its monumental strength.

We’re taught to believe that the truth will set us free, but I also believe that certain facts withheld reveal a truth far greater: That real depth of devotion is proved not by the secrets we’re told but by the decision to shield us from the ones we need not hear. Love articulated by a lexicon of silence.