Will I ever get married?

Sorry, this post doesn't mark the beginning of a self-discovery journey.

Instead, I'm simply directing you to The Daily Beast, where you'll find lifestyle statistics indicating your likelihood of getting married.

Here's some good news:

If you're a Caucasian male who has been incarcerated, there's a 95.1 percent chance that you'll get married by age 40.

Sweet!

Unfortunately, there's some bad news for my colleague Andrea, who will soon relocate to D.C.

If you live in Nebraska, you're 30 percent more likely to get married than if you live in Washington, D.C.

Have you reconsidered your move yet, Andrea? Please?