Today I came across this Hillary Clinton Nutcracker and I started thinking about gifts gone wrong.
In 99.9 percent of cases, I'm extremely appreciative while receiving a gift -- regardless of what it is. Even if it's something I'll never use, I appreciate the fact that somebody's willing to go out of his/her way to buy something especially for me.
Usually.
I can name my worst gift-exchange experience in a heartbeat.
In high school, every senior had to name an underclassman as her "honor guard." In a ceremony prior to graduation, graduates walked across the school gymnasium to exchange gifts with their honor guards while sappy music played in the background.
The norm for these gifts was huge plastic storage containers filled with stuff -- the underclassmen would get the seniors college supplies, while seniors would give the underclassmen stuff to get them through the rest of high school.
As a graduating senior, I spent about $100 and three hours of labor on the gift I gave to my honor guard. It was a senior-year survival kit. Maybe it included some porn. OK, maybe not. You get the picture, though.
So I walked across the gym floor on ceremony day...lugging a huge plastic box...only to see my honor guard with seemingly open hands. "OK," I said to myself, "don't panic. Maybe she just got you a gift card."
Not the case.
As we exchanged gifts, she proudly handed me a Feng Shui instruction book. Without an inscription.
For those of you who have seen my house, you know I have absolutely no use for Feng Shui. You're lucky if you can even get me to pull the lint out of my dryer once a year.
I was beyond words, and couldn't even utter a fake "thanks."
So to my honor guard -- who shall remain nameless -- if you're reading this, I hope you've learned the art of splurging. Or at least putting some thought into your gift-selection process.
And if not, I hope karma's sent you at least one novelty nutcracker. Or more.
