what's going on this weekend?

Hey guys...sorry, I've been out of the office today and kind of under the weather. Still, I wanted to pass on two quick weekend highlights:

*The big news is Friday's kickoff of the Boobs for Babes promotion at H2O. Three women will win money for breast augmentations. Get the full details here, and hit up H2O early. Friday, first 103 ladies in the door get gift bags from Exotic Pleasures and Pleasure World.

*Also, a quick standout on the local music scene: The guys from Classic Addict take the stage at The Loft Saturday. Two of the band members aren't even old enough to legally drink in a bar, but they still know how to rock out. Cover is $5, show starts at 9 p.m.

OK, I'm going back to my chicken soup. Do a healing dance for me.

what's going on tonight?

Here's your lineup, Thursday partiers:

• Whisky Bent, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy’s, free. 706-322-3460.

• College night with Vital Signs, 8 p.m. The Roadhouse, free.

• Wes Loper Band, 9 p.m. Shanty Shack, free. 706-507-3418.

• J-Mac, 9 p.m. The Vault, free. 706-653-8277.

• Greg Barrett, 9 p.m. Belloo’s, free. 706-494-1584.

cautionary tale

Valentine's Day is about two weeks away, which means you're probably already swimming in articles like this one: "Guide to snagging a guy before Valentine's Day."

The prospect seems wonderful: With just a little hard work, you'll enter coupledom just in time to avoid bitterness on the most love-oriented holiday of all.

But I have one word of advice:

DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!

I'm not warning against relationships. I am, however, warning against relationships formed right before Valentine's Day. In these relationships, the Feb. 14 awkwardness outweighs any romantic appeal.

Why? Well, you can't give your new partner anything too intimate, because that might prematurely suggest a dangerous level of seriousness.

But you can't give nothing at all, because then you look like the idiot who doesn't like Valentine's Day.

Moral: Don't start dating right before a holiday.

You can thank me later.

breastaurants

How much do I love new hip words?

Well, apparently enough to blog about the recession-proof success of "breastaurants" -- you know, eateries with scantily clad female servers. Hooters leads the pack.

Read about breastaurants' popularity here.

Not only do I love Hooters -- namely the cocktails -- but I've also always dreamed about eating at Hawaiian Tropic Zone in Las Vegas. You know the scene: a big bar and waitresses in bikinis.

How did I learn to accept this sort of behavior? The moment my grandma started cashing in on the senior lunch special at a Hooters in downtown Chicago.

Breastaurants: Guilty pleasure or just guilty?

(via Lemondrop)

cents-less love

It's frequently overshadowed by dreams of a never-ending shoe closet, but there is one drawback to dating a rich guy:

The mood swings you get when the economy goes bad.

That's what prompted these New York women to seek comfort in Dating a Banker Anonymous, a support group that helps women whose relationships suffer when the stock market tumbles.

The group even has its own blog -- a site poised to build up your spirits "if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life."

The support group exists in world that's far different from what we see here in Columbus. But it touches on a valid frustration: what to do when your partner is stressed.

The economy has upped the stress level for many professions, not just bankers. And it's likely many of you reading this blog post have dealt with a significant other whose mood swings have escalated in recent months.

What's the best approach in this situation? Inspiring words, or a simple "I'm here if you need me"?

breaking up with mom

You hate him, but still love his mom.

Sound weird? It shouldn't.

Here, The Frisky discusses how hard it often is to emotionally distance yourself from somebody's family once you've broken up.

Despite all the horror stories about monster in-laws, it's just as possible to form a bond with your significant other's parents immediately -- and regard them as extensions of your own family.

Regardless of how close you are, I generally don't think it's feasible to carry on a relationship with an ex's family member once you've broken up. It sticks you in the past, and sets an unfair standard for any future sets of potential in-laws.

Does anyone out there still talk to an ex's mom, dad or sibling?

manicorns

Some relationship-related words make me want to slit my wrists.

Consider "preggers." "Wifey." And, of course, the ever-enduring "boo."

Fortunately, some cute words give dating slang a redeeming value. That's why YourTango has this list of 8 new relationship slang words worth throwing around.

Hands down, my favorite is "manicorn." Check out the definition:

"The elusive perfect man. He may not exist, but it's much more romantic to believe that he does."

Start using that. Now!

married romance

Have the Obamas made you less cynical about marriage?

It's a question inspired by Jezebel's commentary about the first couple's role in publicly resurrecting "married romance."

...People seem genuinely moved and excited at the prospect of a couple who are still, quite clearly, in love with one another, who still blush when they are dancing, who still smile as if they just met, who still hold hands in public and hold each other's attention, even when the entire world is screaming their names.

The comments following the post are remarkably optimistic. The batch is flooded with lines like, "The Obamas can make me forget my cynicism about marriage every time I see them look at each other."

What do you guys think? With Obama's presidency, will our images of love become less about weddings and more about marriage?

For more about our new president, check out the Ledger's political blog here.

sex can wait. exfoliate.

Thinking of getting your man a loofah for Valentine's Day, ladies? You might want to hold off.

This article tells why real men don't like spas. Among the reasons:

If we sign up for treatment at a mixed facility, the experience is never anything less than sweat-inducingly humiliating. The girls on the reception desk appear to be making fun of us as we fill in the health questionnaire, the throwaway sandals are at least four sizes too small, and the gown is comically short in the leg and arm. We don't have the nous to say exactly what we want because we don't want to appear overly expert in such arrant girliness.

Secretly, I've always questioned my female friends whose go-to gift for their man is an exfoliation treatment or massage.

Once while I was visiting my favorite Las Vegas spa, I met a woman who gave her husband a full day of skin treatment services for his birthday. The package was worth a couple hundred dollars.

If I ever did that for a guy, I'm sure the gift certificate would just sit there until I guilted him into using it. Then, with my luck, he'd probably get a really hot masseuse and I'd spend the entire hour worrying they were having a hot affair.

Spa gift certificates for men: Glowing gift or radiant disappointment?

what's going on this weekend?

Have a good one, everybody! Here's your lineup:

FRIDAY

• The Ranch Hands, 9:30 p.m. Del Ranch Bar and Grill, $5. 334-297-9177.

• The Cove, 8 p.m. Daileys, $5. 706-320-3353.

• Spent, 8 p.m. The Roadhouse, $5.

• Java Monkey, 9 p.m. Belloo’s, $5. 706-494-1584.

• The Oneeders, 10 p.m. SoHo Bar & Grill, $5. 706-568-3316.

• Vinx with Willie Taylor, 9 p.m. The Loft, $8. 706-596-8141.

• The Drive, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy’s, $5. 706-322-3460.

SATURDAY

• The Ranch Hands, 9:30 p.m. Del Ranch Bar and Grill, $5. 334-297-9177.

• The Cove, 8 p.m. Daileys, $5. 706-320-3353.

• Spent, 8 p.m. The Roadhouse, $5.

• Java Monkey, 9 p.m. Belloo’s, $5. 706-494-1584.

• Vickie’s birthday featuring Last November and Sequoyah Prep School, 10 p.m. SoHo Bar & Grill, $5. 706-568-3316.

• Little Brown Peach, 9 p.m. The Loft, $5. 706-596-8141.

• The Drive, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy’s, $5. 706-322-3460.

boobs for babes

Ladies and gentlemen, our nightlife just got a little top heavy: One Columbus hot spot is giving away three sets of fake boobs.

H2O is hosting the promotion, and participants can collect tokens beginning next Friday. The bar's at 6499 Veterans Parkway.

It'll be a long, rigorous struggle, but I'm confident one of my readers has the pole-grinding skills to win.

Get the full details here.

Good luck!

the "h" word

Happy Friday!

Have a hot date this weekend? Review the etiquette of personal information disclosure with this article from CNN, via The Frisky. The piece outlines what NOT to say at various stages of your relationship.

The whole article is entertaining, but what got my attention most was the author's assertion that three to six months is enough time to determine if somebody's husband material.

Now I know that doesn't mean you guys have to get married at that point, but it still seems a little early.

Let's just say some people are really good at hiding annoying behaviors.

OK, readers: If you're married, was there a definite moment when you deemed your partner "husband" or "wife" worthy? Had you done so prematurely with past partners?

what's going on tonight?

If you're like me, you're more than ready for this weekend. Kick things off early with these Thursday night parties:

• Tony Brook Band, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy’s, free. 706-322-3460.

• J-Mac, 9 p.m. The Vault, free. 706-653-8277.

• Official ribbon cutting, 6 p.m. Flip Flops, free.

• Java Monkey, 9 p.m. Belloo’s, free. 706-494-1584.

• Robert E and Adam Grant, 9 p.m. Shanty Shack, free. 706-507-3418.

• College night with Vital Signs, 8 p.m. The Roadhouse, free.

stuff that's left behind

While perusing your CD collection, you spot it: a lonely disc simply labeled "Our Mix." It takes a few seconds to remember where you got it.

Oh yeah, it was from him.

Seriously, why do you still have this?

Well, because that's what people do. It's the underlying message of StuffThatsLeftBehind.com, a Web site where people tell the stories surrounding the stuff they've kept from failed relationships.

My favorite part is the inclusion of Urban Dictionary term "screwvenir." Like a souvenir, only it's obtained by hooking up.

I try to keep my leftover relationship tokens to a minimum, but I've heard of people who keep boxes upon boxes of relationship "stuff."

Are you one of them? If so, how do you explain the collection to your current partner?

(via Lemondrop)

vultures

Lemondrop introduces us to the relationship status vulture.

You know, the person who has a pickup line ready the second your status changes from "in a relationship" to "single."

The instant you've declared your singledom, you get the message: "I'm here if you need to talk."

And you're thinking, "Really? Because before you just wanted to talk about getting into my pants."

But vultures aren't entirely bad. Maybe there's some truth to a belief that the early bird gets the worm. If nothing else, it's a little flattering to have someone hit on you the instant you're unattached.

Weigh in: Is it weird to hit on someone the instant you learn he or she is single again?

background checks

The pre-date ritual is pretty standard: Showering, primping, Googling.

Googling?

Well, it's a pre-date "must" for at least 43 percent of Americans, this article notes.

(The piece also attempts to call the process "doogling." You know, "date" and "Googling." Something tells me that word won't catch on.)

In this day and age, I think it weird not to Google a date before things get serious. And why not? It's basically a free background check.

However, during a first date, I'd never disclose anything I learned about a guy via Google. Post-college, I once went out with a someone who Googled all the columns I'd written for my college newspaper -- and then used them as conversation starters.

It's one thing to do that when you've been dating each other for a couple months...publicly admitting to that kind of research on a first date is just plain creepy.

Thoughts?

best friends

Should your significant other double as your best friend?

DearSugar asks that question after referring readers to this comment John Gray (of "Mars and Venus" fame) gave in a recent issue of Real Simple:

"I have no problem with partners who are best friends, but you should have other close friends to confide in as well — especially when you are having difficulties and need time away from your spouse. Don't put all your eggs in one basket."

I'd guess women would be way more inclined to call their partner their best friend. Despite the "Sex and the City" influence, there's often something inherently distrusting about female friendships.

When you find a guy you trust, he may seem like a safe haven for both love and friendship.

Should "boyfriend" -- or even "husband" -- and "best friend" be one in the same?

inauguration

Hope you guys had a chance to check out the inauguration events on TV. I was downtown covering people's reactions this morning and it was interesting to see the different reactions.

A few people stared at the TV, mesmerized, even clapping after certain lines. Others simply ate their lunch as usual while the events played out like any other news broadcast in the background.

Sure, change isn't going to happen overnight, but all the hopes and dreams that accompany new leadership at least warrant a brief pause.

I'll leave you with this advice Alice Walker recently gave Obama:

One way of thinking about all this is: it is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is only what so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, but this is because it is not clear to them yet that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

(via Jezebel)

free doughnuts!

Tuesday, Krispy Kreme is giving away free doughnuts in honor of Inauguration Day.

Pretty much all you have to do is show up and you'll get one free.

Find your nearest Krispy Kreme store here.

Delicious.

first loves

More than 10 years later, you still remember how it feels to sense you're in the company of someone you're destined to spend the rest of your life with.

In retrospect, maybe the feeling was naive. Maybe the two of you only spent three months together.

Still, it was your first love, and you should never forget your first love, right?

Wrong.

Well, at least according to this research, which says dwelling repeatedly on your first love could damage your future relationships. An excerpt:

"In an ideal world you would wake up already in your second relationship. If you had a passionate first relationship and allow that feeling to become your benchmark, it becomes inevitable that future, more adult partnerships will seem boring and a disappointment."

Sometimes I think we mistake "first love" for "first infatuation."

I think our concept of love is something that changes based on the relationships we have. So if you're really lucky, when you meet the right person, you find a first love in the present.

One that exceeds the infatuations you've had in the past.

man bling

Think engagement rings for men could catch on?

One United Kingdom jeweler hopes so, according to The Frisky. For a woman proposing to her guy, the jeweler offers a titanium ring with a tiny diamond -- for $120.

Yep, you read that price tag correctly. The financial savings alone might make guys ditch time-tested gender expectations.

Seriously, though: Do you know any women who have proposed marriage? I know one girl who did it in college and she used a watch instead of a ring.

I'm all for gender equality in relationships, but I'd NEVER propose to a guy. For the same reason I think girls shouldn't say "I love you" first.

Guys take longer to arrive at those hardcore emotions. When he wants to marry you, he'll say it.

Right?

what's going on this weekend?

Stay warm, everybody! Here's your lineup:

FRIDAY

• The Ranch Hands, 9:30 p.m. Del Ranch Bar and Grill, $5. 334-297-9177.

• Jaded Soul, 8 p.m. Daileys, $5. 706-320-3353.

• Claiborne & Friends, 9 p.m. Belloo’s, $5. 706-494-1584.

• Critical Darlings, The Pinx, 10 p.m. SoHo Bar & Grill, $5. 706-568-3316.

• MindTrip, BlackSmithz, Ashes of Destruction, 8 p.m. The Roadhouse, $5.

• Peggy Jenkins and the Bizness, 9 p.m. The Loft, $5. 706-596-8141.

SATURDAY

• The Ranch Hands, 9:30 p.m. Del Ranch Bar and Grill, $5. 334-297-9177.

• Jaded Soul, 8 p.m. Daileys, $5. 706-320-3353.

• Claiborne & Friends, 9 p.m. Belloo’s, $5. 706-494-1584.

• Misfortune 500, The Cove, 10 p.m. SoHo Bar & Grill, $5. 706-568-3316.

• Connor Christian and Southern Gothic, 9 p.m. The Loft, $5. 706-596-8141.

• Alternate North, Stereo Monster, 8 p.m. The Roadhouse, $5.

SUNDAY

• Bibb City Ramblers, 7 p.m. Parnello’s Pizza, free. 706-569-7272.

home sweet home

Happy Friday!

If a guy told you he lived with his parents, would it be a dealbreaker?

It's a question inspired by Lemondrop's list of guy behaviors worth dealing with. Yep, living at home makes the cut.

Don't worry: There's a disclaimer. It's not OK if a guy is living at home out of pure laziness. But living at home to save money or care for parents (aww!), is perfectly fine, experts say.

I used to be critical of 20-somethings who still lived at home -- UNTIL I lived with my parents for two years post-college. My journalist's salary made renting an apartment in California impossible, so I saved up money, moved out and I'm now living the high life in Bibb City. High five!

That said, I pretty much had no boyfriends during those two years. It's just awkward. When you're living at home, you can't really have a boyfriend stay over, and there aren't too many guys who want to spend every Saturday afternoon watching sports with your dad.

Weigh in, readers: In dating, is living at home -- regardless of the reason -- one of your dealbreakers?

what's going on tonight?

Hey partiers, here's your Thursday night lineup:

• College night with Vital Signs, 8 p.m. The Roadhouse, free.

• Down Stroke, 9 p.m. Shanty Shack, free. 706-507-3418.

• Gary Parmer, 9 p.m. Belloo’s, free. 706-494-1584.

• Whisky Bent, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy’s, free. 706-322-3460.

romantic status updates

You know her: That one friend who, upon finally getting a boyfriend, turns her entire Facebook page into a giant homage to "us."

Beginning, of course, with the changed romantic status.

I have friends in their 20s who still want a boyfriend primarily so they can embark on the transformation from "single" to "in a relationship."

Maybe that's why this Huffington Post writer says Facebook relationship statuses have contributed to the demise of feminism. An excerpt:

While I like Facebook in many respects, I find the "Relationship Status" part completely juvenile, if not damaging. Why do we feel compelled to announce or define our relationships for everyone else? (There is already a part where you can write your interests i.e. dating, networking, etc.) Why isn't it enough to define our relationship with our partner? Why must we formally legitimize our relationships for the greater public? Is it really anyone's business?

I don't agree with her entirely -- part of clarifying your relationship status on social networking sites is to avoid those creepy guys who want to be your virtual friend.

Nonetheless, there's some truth to her argument. I hate it when girls devote their entire Facebook page to their relationship. You know, the ones insist on including their significant other in every one of their profile pics.

I've never specified my relationship status on Facebook and I probably never will.

The only thing worse than the conceited public transformation from "single" to "in a relationship" to "engaged" to "married"?

The unsolicited conciliatory comments you receive when you unexpectedly go back to "single."

hey wednesday partiers

Check out this event:

The second series of the Rivertown Showdown, a singer-songwriter competition at The Loft, starts tonight. The show is at 8 p.m. and admission is $3.

Hosted by the local branch of Nashville Songwriters Association International, the contest spans six Wednesdays of preliminary rounds. Its overall winner receives prizes worth $1,500.

Tonight's lineup includes Brent Lindley, Heath Jackson, Mark Shelnutt, Evan Barber, Becca Patrick, Jonathan Dorsey, Tim Maggart and Jeff Gaither.

The show is open to guests 21 and older. The Loft is at 1032 Broadway.

For more information, or to register for the competition, call 706-718-1616.

shake your money maker

These statistics indicate more and more working wives are out-earning their working husbands.

For the average couple, this can be really cool or really awkward.

In relationships, I generally like discussing finances as much as I like talking about exes. Translation: Not a lot.

I'd be fine if I dated somebody and he never knew which one of us made the loftier salary. Unfortunately, that's generally impossible since I'm a journalist. My Wal-Mart generic brand laundry detergent should say enough.

Seriously, though: At what point, if ever, should you tell your significant other precisely how much you make?

(via Jezebel)

the code

What's your stance on dating a friend's ex?

In high school, it's generally a big "no" -- unless, of course, you want your eyes clawed out by a couple really scary sets of fake nails.

Beyond that, things get a little trickier. Especially when you're associating with a very small pool of eligible males. Back in my sorority days, we used to hand out an award at our formal dances for the girl most likely to go home with someone else's date.

With real-life experience under my belt -- read: one too many episodes of "One Tree Hill" -- my first instinct is to point to exceptions to the rule.

Like, maybe it's OK to hook up with a guy if he and your friend only dated for two weeks.

Or maybe it's OK to hook up with a guy if your friend chose to break up with him.

Then again, people are territorial about their relationships -- even the ones that don't work, this columnist notes. So your exception to the rule might actually end up destroying a friendship.

Thoughts?

american idol

Quick bit of shameless self-promotion: My "American Idol" blog is up and running just in time for Tuesday's season premiere.

The blog has a new home this year and you can access it here.

Season 8 of "American Idol" premieres 8 p.m. Tuesday on Fox. The two-hour episode features auditions in Phoenix.

I blog every episode of AI "live," so you can weigh in with your comments throughout the show.

just friends?

If you caught Sunday's Golden Globes, you probably saw Kate Winslet profess her love for Leo DiCaprio while accepting an award. Her exact words: "I love you with all my heart, I really do."

She's married.

Many viewers dismissed the line as a simply an indication of a very strong friendship. But the writers over at The Frisky say it raises a good debate:

What are the limits of opposite-sex friendships when you're in a relationship?

I feel pretty strongly about this one. It's fine to hang out in mixed-gender groups of friends. But when you have a significant other, I don't think it's acceptable to go out to drinks or dinner alone with a member of the opposite sex.

I've seen many attached girls do this with guys they say are "friends," and I consider it super annoying. Generally, the girl will counter with something like, "But nobody understands me like he does."

Who cares? Find a new friend.

Game over.

extra credit

Happy Monday!

Can you teach somebody to be suave between the sheets?

Lily Allen, singer and possibly the next "Doctor Who" companion, doesn't think so. Here, she says "you've either got it or you don't."

I think the attitude is just a cop-out from people who are afraid to tell their partners they're dissatisfied. Sure, smooth moves can be accumulated over time, but it depends on someone's willingness to learn.

Which often means abandoning your ego and accepting the fact that you might not be Ron Jeremy's stunt double after all.

Then again, maybe I've just watched too many episodes of "Beauty and the Geek."

Do you think bedroom mojo can be taught?

(via Em & Lo)

flip flops!!!

So...despite any uncertainty, new Columbus hot spot Flip Flops really is opening this weekend. The official grand opening starts at 8 p.m. Friday.

I hit up a soft grand opening Thursday night and this place is tons of fun. The frozen drinks are the best.

Need another reason to come out tonight? It's my BIRTHDAY! I'll be partying at Flip Flops, so be sure to say hi.

The bar's at 1111 Broadway. Check out their MySpace here.

better than vegas

New York has pimped out its City Hall in hopes of making it the new go-to national wedding destination, this article notes.

The 24,000-square-foot space, which opens Monday, now includes draws like a photo wall, a florist and video screens monitoring wait times.

You have no idea how happy this makes me.

While many of my friends have rambled on and on about full-production weddings, I have forever dreamed about getting married in City Hall.

My mom calls it a phase. Too bad it's lasted 10 years.

City Hall weddings: Tacky or totally awesome?

(via The Frisky)

what's going on tonight?

Hey Thursday night partiers...three local hot spots have live entertainment with no cover charge tonight.

Cigar and martini bar Belloo's, 900 Front Ave., hosts musician Gary Parmer. You can also indulge in the bar's weekly martini tasting. 706-494-1584.

Shane Owens and the 231 South Band perform at the Shanty Shack, 4475 Warm Springs Road. 706-507-3418.

The local Southern rockers from Whisky Bent take the stage at Scruffy Murphy's, 1037 Broadway. 706-322-3460.

All shows start at 9 p.m. and are open to partiers 21 and older.

they're back

More and more sources are reporting that things are a go for a second "Sex and the City" movie.

I'm not exactly thrilled. Let's put it this way: As an avid follower of the TV series, I spent a solid month forcing myself to get excited about the first movie. I feared it would be awful and ruin my appreciation for SATC.

Luckily, that didn't happen.

Sure, I still have a few issues with the plot, but overall I enjoyed the film version. Enough to actually buy it on DVD over Christmas vacation.

Now, assuming a second movie happens, I'll have to go through the same forced excitement process. And this time, I doubt the end results will be as favorable.

Is anyone out there super psyched about the sequel?

TMI

Tired of hearing about your cubicle mate's annoying rash "down there"? Join the club.

This essay talks about how we've lost an ability to limit what we discuss in public conversation. An excerpt:

Today we all live with the expectation that we must happily spill our guts for whoever cares to slosh through them. Once considered a virtue, discretion is now viewed as either a character flaw or a sign that you're hiding one.

My colleague Allison recently blogged about strangers who spontaneously tell you their entire life stories. That's annoying, but I've encountered just as many TMI moments in conversations with close friends.

No matter how well you know somebody, there are some things you should keep to yourself. The reason? Two words: Mental images.

Let's just say we don't need to know exactly which medical procedure you had last week. Or precisely how happy your boyfriend was to see you last night.

Thoughts?

(via Jezebel)

national breakup month

Losing that lovin' feeling? You're not alone.

Many people call January National Breakup Month. The reason? Now that the sap and excitement of the holidays are gone, you're more likely to come to the realization that your partner is, um, kinda boring.

Or maybe you met your potential mother-in-law for the first time over Christmas and have since realized you'll never be able to feign elation over her broccoli casserole again.

Some critics say January breakup stories are overblown, but I think they carry some truth.

I know many girls who use Christmas & New Year's as opportunities to gauge a boyfriend's level of commitment.

During that time frame, they want an "I love you." An engagement ring. Gold jewelry.

If they don't get it? Out with the old, in with the new.

The mentality is harsh, and maybe unjustified. But it's a whole lot better than the girls who stay in relationships and resign themselves to another year of complaining.

Thoughts?

huh?

The Frisky just introduced me to "Manslations," a book and corresponding Web site that discloses, you know, what he's really thinking.

(For anyone who's still groaning about the title...at least it's not "mandals" or "manscaping." Right?)

Some people say that if you're with someone you really love, you should never have to translate what he or she is saying.

I disagree.

Solid communication is a must, but there's a level of mind-reading required in every relationship.

Don't believe me, guys? If you take these female phrases at face value, you're probably single for a reason:

*"It's not a big deal."

*"I'm not mad."

*"Don't worry about it."

*"I don't need any gifts."

she's just experienced

Happy Wednesday!

I'll kick Hump Day off by referring you to this blog, which offers a convenient guide for identifying women who have been around the block a few times.

And by "block," I mean "bed."

The guidelines for spotting promiscuity are written by a guy, so inevitably they've attracted a share of criticism.

To be fair, some of them make sense: Say, the girl who goes grocery shopping without wearing proper undergarments.

Others? Not so much. Like, how is buying your man lots of gifts a reflection of sluttiness?

(via Jezebel)

rub me the right way

Sex and love goddesses Em & Lo have this post with massage tips for couples.

I wish I could get excited about it.

Unfortunately, I've always considered "massage" and "romance" as incongruous as nacho cheese-flavored chips and salsa. Blame it on a bad dorm room experience involving Axe body spray and a TLC CD.

For all its seductive power, a massage between couples often ends up being one of those situations where you're just trying too hard.

You're partner thinks he's a zen master while you -- the victim -- wonder how hard it'll be to make an appointment with your chiropractor the next morning.

Oh, and the situation also usually involves some body oil that's smell like strawberries, but actually reeks of plastic-covered furniture.

I'll stick with a simple back rub, thanks.

mourning a good friend

Today I lost the one friend who could always get around my head best:

My hair dryer.

The loss was inevitable, and I guess I should be lucky that we spent four quality years together. The little guy had been clinging to life for the past three weeks, overexerting himself during our morning sessions.

I know you shouldn't talk badly about the faithfully departed, but I kind of wish he would have died on a weekend. I was already running late for work today, and in the absence of heat-accompanied styling, I had to slick my hair back.

Right now I look like one of the girls from a Robert Palmer video.

But at least my dryer went out in style, not only refusing to turn on, but also exuding a thick cloud of smoke that brought me to a state of panic.

I should have listened to my own words of wisdom: In college, I wrote a column about how we cling to failing appliances just like we cling to bad boyfriends.

Sigh. Some things never change.

You can read the column here. Try not to cringe when I mention the multifunctional power of my electric toothbrush.

multiple personalities

This couple broke up after 17 years of marriage -- because of the wife's PMS.

I once read a whole article about girls who ditch their boyfriends because the PMS tells them to.

Make of that what you'd like, but it prompted me to have a sweat-inducing dream about breaking up with my boyfriend because he chewed his Zicam tablet instead of sucking on it.

Hmm. I guess you had to be there.

But it brings up a good question: Ladies, do you apologize to your man for PMS-driven actions, or just expect him to handle it as a fact of life?

Good news for the aforementioned couple, though: They're back together.

Something tells me the guy has learned to take a one-week vacation every month.

(via Jezebel)

tough getaway

Bad news, stiletto fans: Robbers are increasingly targeting women in heels, according to this article.

Why? Well, when the victim is standing 5 inches off the ground, a fair chase is a little difficult.

It's sad news for shoe fans, even those who have heeded advice like this very detailed set of instructions on how to walk in heels.

I've accomplished a lot in my neon pink pumps, but I doubt I'd be able to out-run a thief. Especially when I'm not even able to get out of a car without falling on my butt.

Has anyone out there mastered the art of stiletto combat?

(via Lemondrop)

perpetual bliss

There's always That Couple -- you know, the ones showering each other in PDAs and glowing with every utterance of "you complete me."

You hold back your vomit by telling yourself that they must be really unhappy behind closed doors.

Well, you might be wrong.

Ten percent of couples really do feel that initial rush of love permanently, these researchers say.

Don't worry, though. Even if your coupled friends fall into that category, you're still more than welcome to make up jealous rumors about their relationship.

In fact, I'd encourage it.

what's going on this weekend?

Don't forget about the First Friday Block Party, when one cover (usually $7-$10) gets you into the majority of Broadway bars.

Here's the rest of your lineup:

FRIDAY

• Forced Entry, 10 p.m. SoHo Bar & Grill, $5. 706-568-3316.

• Last Episode, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy's, $5. 706-322-3460.

• Peggy Jenkins and the Bizness, 9 p.m. The Loft, block party cover. 706-596-8141.

• Claiborne & Friends, 9 p.m. Belloo’s, $5. 706-494-1584.

• The Ranch Hands, 9:30 p.m. Del Ranch Bar and Grill, $5. 334-297-9177.

• DJ D Rock and DJ Skates, 8 p.m. The Roadhouse, block party cover.

SATURDAY

• BPM, 10 p.m. SoHo Bar & Grill, $5. 706-568-3316.

• Last Episode, 10 p.m. Scruffy Murphy's, $5. 706-322-3460.

• Ben Deignan and Suburban Soul, 9 p.m. The Loft, $5. 706-596-8141.

• Claiborne & Friends, 9 p.m. Belloo’s, $5. 706-494-1584.

• DJ D Rock and DJ Skates, 8 p.m. The Roadhouse, free.

• The Ranch Hands, 9:30 p.m. Del Ranch Bar and Grill, $5. 334-297-9177.

the final countdown

This woman is giving herself 52 weeks to find a husband -- and she wants your help.

She's set up her own Web site, "52 Weeks to Find My Husband," which features videos, a daily blog and a discussion board.

Part of me thinks the whole thing is a little extreme, mainly because I've never been a fan of arbitrary time frames when it comes to relationships.

At the same time, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people complain about not having a significant other -- but do nothing to change their situation. Or the girls who complain about not being married...and then only date guys who hate commitment.

So maybe the 52-week mission isn't that bad of an idea after all.

What do you think: desperate or determined?

mmm...child's pose

Need a reason to stick to your New Year's resolution to get fit? Check out this article, which says that people who do yoga have more fun between the sheets.

It makes me a little happier I've been so diligent in going to my 3 p.m. Sunday yoga class for the past few months.

Maybe in 2009 I'll be brave enough to initiate a romantic interlude with, "Hey baby, check out my downward dog."

(via Lemondrop)

happy new year!

Hope everybody found a great way to ring in 2009. I partied at The Loft until midnight, and then hit up Belloo's for a quick cosmo before going to bed.

I've heard all the arguments from the new year's haters. Maybe a little part of me even fits in their camp. After all, Jan. 1 is just an arbitrary calendar date, and the average person's will to change only goes so far.

And for all its emphasis on resolutions, the new year also seems to sometimes put your optimism in jeopardy if you're actually happy with the status quo.

So yes, haters, it's 2009 and all you've received is a hangover and a new digit you'll forget to attach to paperwork for another month.

Still, maybe a temporary emphasis on transformation isn't that bad after all. Call it a fantasy, call it a false hope, call it a reflection of naivete.

But it's tough to fault someone for devoting one day to believing that things can, and will, get better.

Even if it takes a whole year.