cautionary tale

Valentine's Day is about two weeks away, which means you're probably already swimming in articles like this one: "Guide to snagging a guy before Valentine's Day."

The prospect seems wonderful: With just a little hard work, you'll enter coupledom just in time to avoid bitterness on the most love-oriented holiday of all.

But I have one word of advice:

DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!

I'm not warning against relationships. I am, however, warning against relationships formed right before Valentine's Day. In these relationships, the Feb. 14 awkwardness outweighs any romantic appeal.

Why? Well, you can't give your new partner anything too intimate, because that might prematurely suggest a dangerous level of seriousness.

But you can't give nothing at all, because then you look like the idiot who doesn't like Valentine's Day.

Moral: Don't start dating right before a holiday.

You can thank me later.