rub me the right way

Sex and love goddesses Em & Lo have this post with massage tips for couples.

I wish I could get excited about it.

Unfortunately, I've always considered "massage" and "romance" as incongruous as nacho cheese-flavored chips and salsa. Blame it on a bad dorm room experience involving Axe body spray and a TLC CD.

For all its seductive power, a massage between couples often ends up being one of those situations where you're just trying too hard.

You're partner thinks he's a zen master while you -- the victim -- wonder how hard it'll be to make an appointment with your chiropractor the next morning.

Oh, and the situation also usually involves some body oil that's smell like strawberries, but actually reeks of plastic-covered furniture.

I'll stick with a simple back rub, thanks.