new feature!

Welcome to The Walk of Shame's newest February feature!

Some background: I hate Valentine's Day. I think my awkwardness with the holiday started in 4th grade, when I vomited in the middle of our card exchange. That began a series of years in which I was either dateless and desperate or in a relationship with someone who thought Valentine's Day was "not a big deal."

I think my bad Valentine's Days reached a high just a couple years ago, when I was living at home in California with my parents. Lonely. One Feb. 14 I got an e-mail from an ex telling me how happy he was with his new girlfriend. That was the same day a 38-year-old guy made me a heart-shaped pizza. And he was missing part of a finger.

The next V-day, when I tried to treat myself to a nice solo dinner at Chipotle, my favorite restaurant, I was interrupted by a married couple who bombarded me with questions about why I was spending the day alone. Ouch.

At any rate, I've come to the conclusion that the holiday brings more harm than good, which is why this month I'm giving you a chain of opportunities to laugh at cupid's arrow.

The new feature's name, appropriately, is My Funny Valentine.

Read and enjoy.