It's not bad to wear a promise ring because not everyone, guy or girl, wants to be a slut.
-- Jordin Sparks, MTV Video Music Awards
Sunday night, I buckled down and watched the MTV Video Music Awards, 25th anniversary edition. I came for the hype surrounding Britney Spears and I stayed for the hope the host Russell Brand would be forcibly banned from our country.
Submitted for your approval, here's what I got from the VMAs:
My Britney. So she seemed a little robotic, uttered a total of maybe 37 words and did nothing to even remotely indicate that she still has the physical capacity to perform. But who cares? Britney Spears is BACK, looking smokin' hot. She came away with the night's biggest Moonman award total, 3, including Video of the Year. Rehab achieved.
An urge to buy pleather. The three main solo female performers -- Pink, Rihanna and Christina Aguilera -- all hit the stage in black-based outfits bearing a strong resemblance to high couture S&M gear. Color me tied up and loving it.
Herpes. OK, not really, but it's the only single-word description I can use to best convey my disappointment at the return of a crotch-grabbing phenomenon. Seriously. Rapper Lil Wayne and the lead singer from Paramore made self-groping an integral part of their live performances. Save it for the after-party, people. The Jonas Brothers are in the audience. Speaking of...
Purity. Yeah, there was a lot to hate about host Russell Brand. I could criticize his off-color remarks about Americans' political decisions, but instead I'm gonna focus on his decision to hate on virginity. He went on and on with a series of harsh comments about the Jonas Brothers' promise (purity) rings until Jordin Sparks of all people had lay the smack down. See aforementioned comment. And finally...
Nostalgia. Did anyone else realize that MTV's music scene seems to be composed of, like, seven people now? With the exception of the obligatory strange-haired novelty act, it seemed like the entire audience had either done a duet with Chris Brown or appeared on a TV series where "OMG" is uttered twice an episode.
(photo via Daily Mail)
