say my name, bitch

In a news item once confined to my late-night fantasies, Chinese tourism authorities are creating the world's first-ever "women's town," according to this article.

The town, designed to boost tourism, will rely on a concept of "women rule and men obey," and will even punish men for disobedience. The article notes: "The motto of the new town would be 'women never make mistakes, and men can never refuse women's requests,' Chinese media have reported. When tour groups enter the town, female tourists would play the dominant role when shopping or choosing a place to stay, and a disobedient man would be punished by 'kneeling on an uneven board' or washing dishes in restaurant, media reports said."

The $26 million effort started in 2005. Authorities said it would be ready in between three and five years. Pack your ankle restraints and sign me up.

what not to wear

The sun's return has inevitably made for all sorts of fashion mistakes. I'd love to hear your stories of pasty skin, back hair and toe fungus. I'm sure fashion police deputies were out in full force last weekend.

Ironically, the biggest infraction I saw had absolutely nothing to do with summer apparel. While enjoying a cup of coffee Saturday morning, my friend Lily and I spotted two women wearing pajama pants and cowboy boots. With the boots tucked into the PJ pants.

No level of caffeine jolt makes that acceptable.

success

Another great weekend in C-Town. Friday, we went to the Shanty Shack as planned, and once again enjoyed an eclectic mix of dance beats that literally ranged from Garth Brooks to Juvenile. I know that same randomness has given the Shanty Shack its critics, but there don't seem to be many. Once again, the Warm Springs Road venue was packed. And in my mind, it didn't disappoint. Cheap drinks, no fights and a cool guy selling light-up roses. Perfect.

One of my friends kept pointing to an unusually high hot-guy quotient, but the jury's still out on that one. Agree or disagree, you help but notice the many unique characters who were out and about, including one vertically challenged guy who was flaunting some serious game. Watching him slow dance with a girl -- while his head was strategically placed near her anatomical assets -- was one of the biggest highlights of our night. Pictures will follow. Hopefully.

Other noteworthy sights? For the first time ever, I saw a guy text somebody will dancing with a girl. Bad form? I say yes.

And, of course, we were hit by the ominous male presence who comes to a club unaccompanied, creepily follows girls around and can't grasp the concept of a cold shoulder. For years, I thought such a force existed only at high school dances and college parties without alcohol. False.

Happy Monday, everyone.

what's going on this weekend?

TGIF. Finally.

I predict this weekend will pretty low-key downtown, especially in view of the fact that next weekend's Cinco de Mayo should generate some pretty big crowds. Btw...I'm writing about Cinco de Mayo parties -- or, if you prefer, fiestas -- in my next column, so if you know of anything that's going on, drop me a comment.

Anyway, back to the weekend...the girls and I will probably go dancing tonight, barring any major last-minute drama. We'll probably either head downtown or venture beyond our comfort zone and revisit the Shanty Shack (4475 Warm Springs Road). I haven't been there since I wrote a column about it a little while ago, and I'm aching for some Pussycat Dolls spiked with a shot of Gretchen Wilson. You get the picture.

Other weekend activities? I'm hoping to hit the gym, since it seems like everyone in the entire world has come to the realization that they are three pounds overweight and consequently have taken up diets. Seriously.

Along those lines, I think I'm also going to dabble in the world of swimsuit shopping, which is perhaps every woman's worst nightmare. Can't live with it, can live without it...right?

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Can't wait to hear your stories.

what's going on tonight?

It's a pretty standard Thursday night in the Columbus area. Mellow out with the usual open mic night at Fountain City Coffee. It's free, and the action starts at 8 p.m.

On the completely opposite end of the spectrum, you can also get down and dirty on the dance floor at The Vault. DJ Che spins starting at 8 p.m. It's $5, but ladies are free.

If you want live music, you have two pretty good options. San Diego-based rock act After the Crash hits Soho Bar & Grill at 10 p.m. The indie rock act was formed when its lead singer, once a millionaire stockbroker, lost everything. The show is $5...ladies are in free.

Finally, don't hesitate to try out Broad Street Blues (913 Broad St., Phenix City), where house band Peggy Jenkins and the Rhythm Roosters will entertain as usual. The show starts at 9:15 and it's $5.

what's in a name?

It's easy to forget the role names play in our romantic inclinations. In grade school, I never went so far as to practice my cursive by scrawling my crush's name on college-ruled notebook paper. But in my later days, I do admit to getting caught up in Bennifer fever and trying to create cute little "we have no individual identities" couple monikers for my romantic pursuits.

Unfortunately, it never really worked...even though I always wanted to fall in love with a guy named Lars so our name could be Sonars.

Still can't get enough of that TomKat creativity? Now, USA today has an electronic celebrity name generator where you can type in your name (first or last) and your partner's name (first or last) and get a couple name.

I just tried "Jessica" (Simpson) and "John" (Mayer) and ended up with Jesohn.

The results aren't nearly as promising for Tom and Katie, who end up as Tomtie. Or Brad and Angelina, also known as Bradina.

Oh well. It's a worthwhile distraction, almost good enough to take you back to the days of bad cursive and otherwise useless binder dividers.

just hit "send"?

While I'm on the topic of technology, I'll encourage you to check out this article about "Send: The Essential Guide to Email for Office and Home." It's a new book about "e-mail mistakes and how to avoid them." The book's central focus lies in the way in which the "Send" button often promotes impulsiveness and rash emotions. And, in turn, disasters.

The article notes, "We imagine it (e-mail) as a casual private message that vanishes into the ether. In fact, it's likely to be far more permanent than any paper communication. E-mails can be stored with ease by the recipients and by third parties, such as the corporations from which they are sent."

The book, basically, is an etiquette guide...addressing everything from why it's not cool to address your professor with "hiya" in an e-mail to the implications of Britney Spears' 2006 decision to dump K-Fed via BlackBerry.

Do e-mail manners deserve a spot in book retailers' shelves? Absolutely. Take it from the girl who was dumped via a changed relationship status on MySpace. Do you think technology will ever progress to a point where that kind of breakup is not only expected, but accepted?

What's the biggest e-mail mistake you've made? What, if anything, would it take to get you to circulate a once-private e-mail out of rage?

omg lol ttyl

Think an ability to text while driving is impressive? Think again.

This article describes last weekend's National Texting Championship in New York, which attracted 250 competitors. Winners saw messages on a screen, texted them on their phones and were judged on whose (error-free) text got to the judges first.

The winner was 13-year-old Morgan Pozgar, who mastered texts ranging from "what we do in life echoes in eternity" to "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious." She got $25,000.

I, meanwhile, have never been a huge fan of text messages, but I think at times they serve their purpose. Especially if that purpose is dirty talk.

Btw...this nugget comes courtesy of my good friend Michael Timm, the former editor of my college newspaper and Webmaster of the coolest platypus site ever.

what's going on this weekend?

This weekend marks my first trip to Huntsville, Ala., where I'll be attending a wedding on Saturday. The bride is my friend/former co-worker Amanda, who's been the subject of many prior blog posts. You'll likely remember her in the context of cage dancing and her remarkable take on the running man. Well, she's (kind of) surrendering those elements for married life now, and I can't wait to see how hot she looks this weekend.

If you're going to be in town this weekend, check out Daileys, 1039 Broadway in Columbus. It's the new club I wrote about in this week's column and I'd like to hear what you think.

In terms of live music, the lineup at The Loft looks pretty good. Tonight, the club hosts Zac Brown, a Southern rocker who says his music demonstrates what would happen "if Jimmy Buffett had a younger brother playing music in the Georgia wild." Saturday, you'll get New York City-based jam band U-Melt.

Another good bet for live music? Broad Street Blues (913 Broad St., Phenix City), which hosts house band Peggy Jenkins and the Rythm Roosters tonight and Tony Tyler Trance on Saturday. Both nights pretty much guarantee a good time.

TGIF.

smart is the new sexy

Wanna impress me? Forget the bars and take me to a spelling bee.

At least that's what this Washington Post article says. It's about how more 20- and 30-somethings are choosing intellectual hot spots -- library lectures, museum discussion series, contemporary debates -- as date venues. Also, it describes how the Web increasingly has helped single brainiacs connect, citing the 6,000-member Washington-based Web site intellectConnect as an example.

The best part? A spelling bee for New York singles. The event, held regularly, includes categories like "sex," "medical conditions" and "uncomfortable things."

Sounds cool. Kinda. Even though the article pertains mainly to bigger cities like Manhattan and Boston, I'm wondering how these activities would fare in Columbus. Is our nightlife in need of some intellectualism?

Send me your comments. I'll even ignore any misspellings.

what's going on tonight?

It's pretty much the usual suspects for a Thursday. Lay low and hit open mic night at Fountain City Coffee. Or you can travel across the river and see house band Peggy Jenkins and the Rythm Roosters at Broad Street Blues (913 Broad St., Phenix City). The $5 starts at 9 p.m.

Other options? Shake your groove thing with tunes spun by DJ Che at The Vault. It's $5, but ladies are in free. The fun starts at 8 p.m.

As far as live music goes, probably your best bet is Soho Bar & Grill, which is slated to feature
Bulletproof Marshmallows, a reggae/rock band that hails from Montgomery, Ala. The show begins at 10 p.m. It's $5, free for the ladies.

Have fun, be safe and get ready for the weekend!

don't cha?

On my way to work this morning, I found myself listening to Avril Lavigne's latest single, "Girlfriend." Stop laughing. Please.

Anyway, for those of you who haven't heard it -- imagine that -- the song is pretty much your typical bubblegum pop ranting of something to the effect of, "You're dating a really stupid person and you should be dating me instead." The chorous? "Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girfriend. No way! No way! I think you need a new one. Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend."

A lyrical masterpiece, I know. But ignore that for a minute.

The song follows The Pussycat Dolls' "Don't Cha," which preaches a similar message. While listening to that song, a guy once told me it depicts one of the hottest guy fantasies imaginable -- being seduced by the Other Woman.

Fantasies aside, I can think of multiple situations in the past when a man of my dreams has instead opted for someone with what seem to be glaring flaws. Not minor inconveniences like a bad sense of style or a weird taste in music, but real drawbacks. Like a bad personality. Or a history of cheating. Or an incompatible take on intimacy.

Without the convenience of cute song lyrics to get your point across, when (if ever) is it appropriate to bring a partner's flaws to someone's attention? And is it ever possible to do so without seeming like a jealous third party?

Happy Thursday, everyone.

service with a smile?

This week's column is about what makes a bar successful. I think it's especially pertinent in downtown Columbus, where nightlife venues are all for the most part using the same draws (local bands, cheap drinks, danceable music) to cater to the same demographic (the 25-40 crowd).

Here, I think the average party goer heads downtown with no specific destination in mind, and in the end opts for the venue that merely looks most popular. Not because of its promotions, not because of its entertainment, but simply because people are there.

In light of that fact, I think there's even more pressure on local bars to emphasize the importance of service. Some bars already have strong reputations anchored by their bartenders...not entirely for eye candy purposes, but because their servers genuinely interact with the crowd. And seem to enjoy their jobs. Imagine that.

Others, however, are less lucky...and seem to exude apathy on even the most hopping Saturday night.

What are your impressions of Columbus' nightlife service industry? Who are your favorite bartenders? Any tales of service horror?

luck be a lady

Since when do we rank levels of heartbreak?

Singer Sheryl Crow has been named the Hollywood woman most unlucky in love, according to this article. Crow, who has dated celebs like Eric Clapton and was engaged to cyclist Lance Armstrong, sits at the top of list that includes Jennifer Aniston at No. 2 as well as Cameron Diaz, Tyra Banks and Mariah Carey.

So big deal. They're all big stars who experienced major breakups.

But it brings up a good question: To what extent is love driven by luck? Or lack thereof?

I think there are genuinely good people out there who by some chance happen to stumble across a bad mate. No warning signs, no premonitions, no smoke signals. Sometimes you just can't tell. And when it happens as an isolated incident, and you proceed to dump that person, I you really can attribute it to luck.

But when you constantly find yourself in bad relationships, you're not losing the game of luck. You're being stupid. Often, I think it's easier to attribute our own bad judgments to luck, rather than a failure to higher our standards.

Yes, it would be easier to play a relationship game where success is determined by crossing our fingers and rubbing a lucky rabbit's foot. But maybe we're fortunate to have the ability to opt out of potentially disastrous situations and freely ditch life's losers instead of waiting for an arbitrary jackpot to tell us we're out of luck.

Rolling the dice may be all it takes to enter a relationship. But sustaining that relationship requires a series of calculated risks and strategies.

Rely on luck alone and you'll be miles away from winning the game.

Thoughts?

the weekend was...

Great.

I hit downtown both nights. Friday, I caught local party band Autumn Haze at The Vault. The show was great, and my only criticism is that I wish the crowd would have been a little bit larger. I talked to a couple bar owners on Friday and Saturday, and they all for the most part agreed this was an especially slow weekend. I blame the relatively cool temperatures.

Saturday, I embarked upon an entirely new adventure and visited Dailey's, the bar formerly known as Bonehead's. It was a pretty exciting night, especially since I previously had no idea this place was even open. If you're expecting an entirely remodeled interior, you might be disappointed. Sure, the ambiance seems generally less smoky/dodgy, but the overall layout is still the same. It'll be hard to tell where Dailey's will rank among the other downtown establishments, but they got a good crowd Friday and an even stronger one Saturday.

Mindblender was playing, which definitely helped things. I love those guys. When my mom was here in January, she (bravely) accompanied me to a Mindblender show at Muldoon's. Let's just say if you can get my mom to sing along with "Crazy Bitch," you must be doing something right. Enough said.

Finally, I was surprised at how many blog readers I met over the weekend. Cheers to the three gorgeous ladies I met Friday en route to my downtown adventure. A slightly less cool fan? The guy who, upon hearing my request for nightlife column ideas, hardly missed a beat before saying, "How about a nightlife column about a night in my bed?"

Um, yeah.

Happy Monday.

party @ savana's

Hey guys...I forgot to mention in the last post that Savana's on Broadway in downtown Columbus is hosting Beer-a-Mid tonight at 10 p.m., complete with drink specials, etc. Get there before 11 p.m. and ladies are in free.

One more thing...one of my friends just sent me this list via MySpace and I figured I'd pass it on. It's the top 25 rules guys wish women knew. I love to hear any suggestions for No. 26-50.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it's up, put it down.

3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.

4. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

5. Get rid of your cat.

6. Saturday + Sunday = Sports. Learn this equation ( sports can be replaced with video games or paintball)

7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.

8. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.

9. You have too many shoes.

10. Crying is blackmail.

11. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.

12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.

13. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers.

14. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

15. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

16. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

17. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.

19. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?

20. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

21. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done, not both.

22. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.

23. You have enough clothes.

24. Men are from earth; women are from earth. Deal with it.

25. Nothing says, "I love you" like sex.

what's going on this weekend?

So it's Friday the 13th, and there are supposed to be thunderstorms most of the day tomorrow, but I haven't lost sight of this weekend's potential. Check out my weekend picks here.

Downtown should be fairly hopping, especially with tonight's gallery stroll (see weekend picks). Also, Bow Wow comes to the Columbus Civic Center tonight at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $33.50 at the door. Call 706-494-8330.

My live music pick of the week is Atlanta-based rock band HottBoxx, who comes to SoHo Bar & Grill tonight. I pretty much chose them because I liked the name. Shouldn't that be enough? Expect tunes that combine rock and soul in a way rockers say brings to mind images of "old souls, new vibes and good wine."

In addition to partying like a rockstar, you'll be happy to hear that I'll also be watching episode 6 of "Star Wars" at some point this weekend. Last night, I saw "The Empire Strikes Back" and liked it way better than "A New Hope." Basically because people finally hooked up.

Whether you're shaking your booty or showing off your light saber, have a great weekend.

TGIF.

bringing (un)sexy back?

Talk about a gem. Today, I found this list of 2007's top 100 unsexiest men, courtesy of The Boston Phoenix, an arts and entertainment alternative newsweekly.

To kill any suspense...Donald Trump is No. 1, but some of the other standings are just as entertaining. "American Idol" underdog Sanjaya Malakar stands at No. 7, while spot No. 14 belongs to "The US Senators from Massachusetts." Awesome.

My favorite, however, is without a doubt No. 80: Ann Coulter, the American conservative political commentator described succinctly in the list as "hellbitch."

The only selections I disagree with are Jimmy Kimmel, No. 93, and Peyton Manning, No. 74. Regarding Kimmel...funny guys automatically get 762 sexy points, which exempts you from any label involving use of the word "unsexy." As far as Peyton Manning goes...I dated a guy who looked exactly like him. I try not to have my romantic past be unsexy.

An addition to the list? How about Jason Wahler, the "Laguna Beach" punk who on Monday was arrested for the fourth time in nine months. Now, his legal troubles span four states: New York, California, North Carolina and Washington.

"The Hills" are alive with the sound of unsexy.

Who's YOUR unsexiest man alive?

what's going on tonight?

It's pretty much the usual suspects if you're looking to party tonight. If you want something relatively low key, check out open mic night starting at 8 p.m. at Fountain City Coffee, where you can also take advantage of free wireless Internet.
In terms of live music, you can head over to Soho Bar and Grill at 10 p.m. to see Leslie, a Charleston, S.C.-based rock and blues band. Or change your usual nightlife routine by hitting Broad Street Blues in Phenix City, where Peggy Jenkins and the Rythm Roosters will play. That show starts at 9:30 p.m.
Finally, if you need to succumb to an urge to do the booty pop, go to The Vault, where DJ Che will spin as usual beginning at 8 p.m.
Have fun and be safe. The week's almost over!!!!!!

girls gone wild?

Can "girls just wanna have fun" justify all your weekend shenanigans? Maybe not.

This week's column is about the divisions, or lack thereof, between saint and skank. After attending a Playboy-themed party at Big City Club last Friday, many friends asked me to write about where female party goers cross the line between being sexy and going overboard.

I was all set to go with that theme, but midway through the process I realized my thinking was kind of flawed. Even though I might be opposed to contests that require nothing other than excellence in grinding, I'm not necessarily in a position to judge other people's concept of fun.

Downtown is supposed to be vehicle for escapism, a place where you let go of the stress and office politics that consume your Mondays through Fridays. Sure, it's possible to relax without bearing your stomach rolls and sticking $1 bills in your bosom...but then who would we rely on for entertainment?

I'd like to hear what you think, though. From bikini contests to Playboy parties, is there a skank culture downtown? And if so, is that OK?

stretching the truth

Are men still stupid enough to believe women who say nothing's wrong? I didn't think so.

Today I came across this list of supposedly the five lies all women tell men. Because I know you'll likely be too lazy to actually click on the link, here they are:

5. "You're the best in bed."
4. "I don't mind picking up the tab tonight. You always pay, anyway."
3. "I'm just not ready for a boyfriend right now."
2. "I don't mind if you go to strip clubs with the boys."
1. "I'm not mad at you."

All in all, I agree...with some disclaimers. First, and perhaps most importantly, the whole "I'm not mad at you" lie is complicated. It's kind of a double-edged sword, because as much as guys complain about when you say you're "not mad" or "nothing's wrong," they also hate confrontation. So sometimes I think guys just ask that to cover their bases, not because they really want to know the answer.

Also...reason No. 4 makes women seem like gold diggers. True, nobody's going to be ecstatic about paying for dinner, but it's not because of bent gender roles or relationship issues. I just get mad because I'm a broke ass ho.

And yes...anything that involves use of "the best" -- or, in my case, "the best ever" -- is probably a slight exaggeration of the truth. But not always.

Thoughts?

butterface

A former co-worker and I used to call a mutual acquaintance "Double Face Lady." From a distance, and under certain lighting, she looked hot. Sexy, in fact. But when you faced her head-on, it was like you were looking a heifer in the eyes.

Not pretty.

While a face's composition seems straightforward -- eyes, nose, ears and mouth -- the meet market often subtly encourages its participants to intricately dissect those elements. The result isn't always pretty.

Enter the butterface (aka: but-her-face), a term Urban Dictionary defines as a "chick with a hell of a nice body, but the face is ugly." While it's associated primarily with women, I'll be the first to attest to the fact that men are hardly exempt from the butterface curse.

Call me superficial, but I say this is one of the toughest obstacles in the dating arena. Especially since the majority of hookups are initiated in poorly lit rooms. There are few things harsher than waking up to realize that the guy you thought was a dead-on Brad Pitt lookalike actually bears a closer resemblance to Shrek.

This article gives a list of the top 10 female celebrity butterfaces, including Tori Spelling, Lisa Rinna, Christina Ricci and Haylie Duff. At No. 1? Fergie. Let's just say there's likely little disagreement on that one.

A term like "butterface" may be a bit extreme, but I think everyone has an angle of their body that they think is best seen in the dark.

Which is fine. In fact, that fact alone might be enough to challenge the images of perfection that we so often attach from a distance.

Maybe instead of promoting insecurities, butterfaces remind us to accept nothing at face value. Even a face itself.

Happy Wednesday, everybody. Sorry for the lack of posts yesterday. I was suffering from "Star Wars" withdrawal.

i like robots and young women

I started my weekend by watching potential Playmates shake their tails and ended it by watching the episode 4 of "Star Wars."

Sexy.

This weekend was pretty quiet downtown, a result of both the Easter holiday and the cold weather. Annoying. Still, a decent crowd was evident downtown Friday, when my friend Andrea and I pinballed it and after dinner at Spices from the Caribbean, hit Savana's, Mario's, Los Amigos Cantina and Big Club. Wow. The most crowded venue of the pack was without a doubt Big City, which was hosting a Playboy-themed party. Catch more insights on the Playmate wannabe contest in this week's column.

I kicked off Saturday by having a six-hour "sesh" with my friend Lily. A sesh, short for session, is basically an exchange of personal information between a maximum of three people. It lasts a minimum of one hour, but usually isn't considered productive unless you hit the three-hour mark and travel to multiple venues. Our sesh, for example, spanned Gold's Gym, Starbucks, Moe's Southwest Grill and Infinity Nails.

Saturday night, we hit Broad Street Blues in Phenix City and had a blast. Loved it as usual.

I started Saturday with an especially stellar Easter brunch courtesy of our friends Dawn and Jeff. The above photo is from a rare moment of sunshine during the unseasonably cold skies. Boo to that. Fortunately, we still look very hot.

I was glad I had the opportunity to load up my stomach, though, because Sunday night I embarked upon a very challenging personal mission to watch episodes 4, 5 and 6 of the "Star Wars" series. Note: I have not seen any of the "Star Wars" movies. Ever.

So last night, Heineken keg in hand, I watched Episode 4, "A New Hope." In summary, I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would. Even better, I now have this huge crush on the little robot man also known as R2-D2. He is so hot. Tonight, we're watching "The Empire Strikes Back," and I really hope people finally hook up.

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Han shot first.

I'm so cool now!

what's going on this weekend?

Um, hello, everything.

OK, maybe I'm exaggerating. We ARE in Columbus, remember. Still, I'm pretty amped about this weekend, and you should be, too. Tonight, my friend Andrea and I are going to Spices Caribbean Restaurant & Bar. It'll be my first time visiting the Columbus restaurant, so I'll be anxious to see where it ranks in my dining hierarchy. According to aforementioned Web site, Friday is karaoke night, while Saturday is Latin night with $3 margaritas.

If you need another food recommendation, try Jamaica Grill. And not only because I wrote a dining profile about it this week. Want to know what wasn't included in the article? Jamaica Grill's dirtily named cocktails, like 'Dat Bitch and Kama Sutra. Jamaica Grill hosts a party every Saturday night until about 2 a.m. I don't think the restaurant has its own Web site, but it's at 1901 A-3 Manchester Expressway in Columbus. Call 706-507-5745.

Oh! And something else I'm excited about doing this weekend is getting my nails done on Saturday with my friend Lily. Normally I wouldn't devote a blog paragraph to girly stuff -- OK, maybe I would -- but if you're new in town and looking for a clean, safe place to get a manicure/pedicure/eyebrow wax, try Infinity Nails, 1591 Bradley Park Drive in Columbus. It took me forever to find a good nail place here, and let's just say cleanliness isn't something you want to fool around with at those places. Two words (kind of): Hepatitis C.

In terms of nightlife, I'll probably head downtown as usual Saturday...don't really know where I'll end up, but I really hope dancing is in the cards. If you want live music, I think The Loft is probably your best bet this weekend. Friday, the club hosts Packway Handle, an Athens, Ga.-based bluegrass act that allegedly does a mean cover of "Like a Prayer." Saturday, you'll get No More Kings, rockers who say they're reminiscent of '80s nostalgia.

Anyway, have a great weekend and do something really crazy because I need column ideas.

TGIF.

mmm...infidelity

Does a lap dance constitute cheating? Some 32 percent of men think so.

I bought my first copy of GQ last weekend. It was a decision motivated by boredom and the fact the April edition was billed as the magazine's second annual "Love, Sex and Madness Issue." All in all, it was $3.99 (plus tax) well spent, as I learned all about both Lindsay Lohan and Tori Spelling's ex-husband. Hot.

The most fascinating find, however, was "It's Not Cheating If...," a piece based largely on a survey of "504 sober American men." That's where I got the aforementioned statistic. Here's some other findings of note:

*Twenty-five percent of men said fantasizing regularly about another woman was cheating.

*Fifty-three percent said phone sex was cheating.

*Sixty-five percent said cybersex was cheating.

*Ninety-two percent said hooking up with a co-worker was cheating.

*Ninety-five percent said hooking up with an ex-flame was cheating.

So what does this do for me? Other than reaffirm a belief that guys are pretty much the meanest people ever? Nothing, I guess.

But more than anything, I really don't think that the whole cheating issue is all that complicated. Guys...if you're in a relationship and you're getting physical gratification from another woman, you're cheating. I guess the blurry lines come more in regard to emotional gratification, but even that isn't too hard to decipher. If you've bonded with another woman to extent that you feel closer to her than the girl you're in a relationship with/married to, you're probably cheating.

The thing that annoyed me about the majority of guys interviewed in the article is this summary of their beliefs: "No matter what the act, if it's purely physical, it's not really cheating. Cheating is only cheating if there's a deep emotional component; otherwise it's a mere slipup that can be rinsed away with a hot shower and a bouquet of daffodils from the airport gift shop."

I have no doubt that's true on the guy's part...but in many cases, while the guy is dismissing an event (or series of events) as a "mere slipup," the girl is entertaining fantasies of future dates and exclusivity.

Trust me. I understand all about primal urges and carnal cravings. I've never cheated on anyone, but I know plenty of unfaithful girls who have done things far worse than anything outlined in GQ.

Most of all...this whole issue brings me back to the importance of defining your relationship. Because, as I discuss at work virtually every day, people have different understandings of even simple terms like "dating." While one person may define it as merely going on dates -- in which case hooking up with other people is OK -- the other person may think it implies exclusivity. Thus, you'll be labeled a lying, cheating snake when really you just operate on a different vernacular.

Whatever.

Maybe cheating is just a fact of life. Sometimes, however, I wish you didn't have to count on a 504-person poll to convince yourself your partner isn't creeping on the down low.

Thoughts?

what's going on tonight?

Expect the usual Thursday night options. Low-key partiers can opt for open mic night at Fountain City Coffee. It's free and starts at 8 p.m.
If the pictures in the post below turned you on -- or not -- go to the scene of the crime, Broad Street Blues in Phenix City. House band Peggy Jenkins and the Rythm Roosters will perform. The show starts at 9:30 p.m. and there's a $5 cover.
Soho Bar & Grill is also slated to offer live music tonight, with a performance by the Spencer Durham Group, a Georgia jam band fronted by an 18 year old. Band members compare themselves to The Black Crowes and The Grateful Dead. The show is $5 (ladies free) and starts at 10 p.m.
Finally...you can always opt for the usual booty shaking party at The Vault, where DJ Che will take on his standard Thursday spinning. The party starts at 8 p.m. and it's $5 (ladies free).
Happy Thursday. Can't wait for the weekend.

elizabeth the rockstar

These pics are long overdue, largely because I had to set up a separate Photobucket account prior to posting them. Thanks again for the help, Brog.

Anyway, we took the photos during a recent night out at Broad Street Blues, that new Phenix City club I'm always talking about. I got the pics courtesy of Elizabeth, the uber-hot chick I'm hugging in both shots.

The evening was a blast, especially since it marked one of Elizabeth's first nights out in quite some time. Her boyfriend Ira recently left for Iraq, so needless to say, she's had more serious things on her mind than scoring a cheap margarita or mastering her cage-dancing skills.

I can't even imagine what that must be like. I devoted about a year of my life to a quasi-long distance relationship. Even with the ease of being able to fly cross-country to see the then-man of my dreams, I still was never really able to enjoy a Saturday night like my friends who could with a phone call reach their crushes and be holding hands at the bar almost instantly.

In a statement courtesy of Captain Obvious, being away from the person you love sucks. Not only is there the pain of watching other couples caress and cuddle, but there's also the guilt that comes with feeling like instead of having fun, you should be at home pining away for the one you miss. Not to mention the fear that at one moment the bar music might be so loud that you'll miss the phone call you've been waiting for all week.

Elizabeth, however, is doing a much better job handling her boyfriend's absence than what I'd ever expect out of myself.

Weekends become so routine that you forget sometimes that going out isn't always as easy as putting on body glitter and a pair of stilettos. Cheers to everyone with the will to get off the couch, remove their hands from their cell phones and hit downtown with the best of 'em.

You're the coolest.

lights, camera, action?

So today, in an attempt to better understand the male brain, I was playing around on AskMen.com. Shortly after reading "The Top 10 Ways to Get the Office Babe," I came across this article about the top 10 chick flicks guys can allegedly stomach.

It made me laugh, largely because I've been discussing my immense hatred of most chick flicks for the past week. When some of my female co-workers wanted to devote a recent Saturday night to watching "Under the Tuscan Sun," I threw a giant fit and eventually was successful in aborting the mission and going downtown instead. (Sorry, Dawn!)

I don't really hate all chick flicks. I just hate the ones that focus on someone who gets dumped and then rediscovers herself. So 99 percent of chick flicks.

My reason? I just feel as if these movies often work to only deepen depression by putting dejected women in a room together with a lifetime supply of Kleenex when the same women could be ditching their attempts at self-analysis, getting off their butts and actually filming another chapter of their own life movies.

Moreover, the majority of these breakup-turned-good movies work on a premise that something life-changing and inspirational will happen to you after you're dumped, when in reality that's not always true. You could spend months crying in front of your TV and gaining weight on Eskimo Kisses ice cream. So ironically, these movies also have a tremendous potential to backfire when a viewer comes home not to a mysterious stranger or lucrative independent career offer, but instead the same memory-inducing sheets she sought to escape.

Anyway, here are the top 10 chick flicks guys can enjoy, according to the article:

10. Meet Joe Black
9. Desperately Seeking Susan
8. Thelma and Louise
7. An Officer and a Gentleman
6. When Harry Met Sally
5. Serendipity
4. The Craft
3. Blue Crush
2. Mean Girls
1. Bridget Jones' Diary

I'll be anxious to hear what you think. I disagree with the list to some extent, because its writer seems to define "chick flick" as any movie with an ensemble cast that is primarily female.

False. Right?

hate her

I'm writing this post largely as a service to my co-workers, who have been forced to listen to me complain about Heather Mills since approximately 9:47 this morning.

Basically I really hate her.

Prior to "Dancing with the Stars," I'd heard about her in tabloids and the like, but I never gave her the intense hatred I've attached to stars like Tara Reid. That changed when I started watching "Dancing," though.

My temper first rose last week, when she performed a flip maneuver that technically violated one of the show's major rules -- at least one foot must stay on the ground at all times. Actor Mario Lopez violated this rule multiple times last season, and was consequently penalized. The judges said nothing about Heather's mishap, though, and instead praised her for her courage.

(Side note for anyone unfamiliar with Heather Mills: She has a prosthetic leg.)

That was a technical element, though, and it really didn't bother me too much. But here's what really got me going. This week, in order to perform the jive, Heather got entirely new -- and likely very expensive -- prosthetic leg that would let her jump.

Sure, she probably looked great, but it just angers me how she's repeatedly hailed as this gigantic inspiration for disabled people when the reality is that the average handicapped individual lacks the money to buy a specially designed limb to deal any time life throws out a new challenge.

I don't care about the whole Paul McCartney divorce thing. I do, however, care about the fact that she's using the "Dancing" opportunity not as a chance to highlight courage, but instead as an opportunity to rub social and economic disparities in the faces of the many fans she could be inspiring.

Hate her.

need something to do tonight?

It's Tuesday, usually a dull night in the Columbus area, but the Chicago Afrobeat Project is performing at The Loft. Let's just say Africa doesn't come to Georgia often. Check it out. The show starts at 8 p.m. and costs $5. Don't forget...Tuesday is the new Friday.

punk this

So it's April and I'm wishing everyone a very happy April Fool's Day, even though I'm three days late. Even though the prank-inspired holiday has come and gone, I strongly encourage you to check out this article in the Chronicle of Higher Education about college pranks taped for YouTube purposes.

It's pretty funny...you'll see a roommate's possessions screwed to a room's ceiling, not to mention a college lecture interrupted by one student's attempt at a musical.

Aside from the time I got busted in college for some prank calling, I can't say I've executed too many punk'd-type ventures successfully. My biggest achievement, I think, is when I was part of a plan to put an open-faced tostada on a classmate's seat during a third-grade Cinco de Mayo party. She sat on it, and proceeded to get refried beans -- and more -- smeared all over her butt.

My partners in crime got the obligatory recess time-outs, but my teacher was so reluctant to believe I was part of the plan that she didn't give me any kind of punishment. Eventually, however, the guilt got to me and I gave myself a voluntary time-out.

Yeah...I'm weak like that.