Does a lap dance constitute cheating? Some 32 percent of men think so.
I bought my first copy of GQ last weekend. It was a decision motivated by boredom and the fact the April edition was billed as the magazine's second annual "Love, Sex and Madness Issue." All in all, it was $3.99 (plus tax) well spent, as I learned all about both Lindsay Lohan and Tori Spelling's ex-husband. Hot.
The most fascinating find, however, was "It's Not Cheating If...," a piece based largely on a survey of "504 sober American men." That's where I got the aforementioned statistic. Here's some other findings of note:
*Twenty-five percent of men said fantasizing regularly about another woman was cheating.
*Fifty-three percent said phone sex was cheating.
*Sixty-five percent said cybersex was cheating.
*Ninety-two percent said hooking up with a co-worker was cheating.
*Ninety-five percent said hooking up with an ex-flame was cheating.
So what does this do for me? Other than reaffirm a belief that guys are pretty much the meanest people ever? Nothing, I guess.
But more than anything, I really don't think that the whole cheating issue is all that complicated. Guys...if you're in a relationship and you're getting physical gratification from another woman, you're cheating. I guess the blurry lines come more in regard to emotional gratification, but even that isn't too hard to decipher. If you've bonded with another woman to extent that you feel closer to her than the girl you're in a relationship with/married to, you're probably cheating.
The thing that annoyed me about the majority of guys interviewed in the article is this summary of their beliefs: "No matter what the act, if it's purely physical, it's not really cheating. Cheating is only cheating if there's a deep emotional component; otherwise it's a mere slipup that can be rinsed away with a hot shower and a bouquet of daffodils from the airport gift shop."
I have no doubt that's true on the guy's part...but in many cases, while the guy is dismissing an event (or series of events) as a "mere slipup," the girl is entertaining fantasies of future dates and exclusivity.
Trust me. I understand all about primal urges and carnal cravings. I've never cheated on anyone, but I know plenty of unfaithful girls who have done things far worse than anything outlined in GQ.
Most of all...this whole issue brings me back to the importance of defining your relationship. Because, as I discuss at work virtually every day, people have different understandings of even simple terms like "dating." While one person may define it as merely going on dates -- in which case hooking up with other people is OK -- the other person may think it implies exclusivity. Thus, you'll be labeled a lying, cheating snake when really you just operate on a different vernacular.
Whatever.
Maybe cheating is just a fact of life. Sometimes, however, I wish you didn't have to count on a 504-person poll to convince yourself your partner isn't creeping on the down low.
Thoughts?
