Wednesday, May 23, 2007

seal the deal. or not.


Hump Day. Yay.

Came across this article about common relationship deal-breakers. It describes a deal-breaker as "a characteristic or trait about a person that we can't accept." It cites cheating and "being cheap" as some common deal-breakers.

In dating, I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, so there's few things -- other than using illegal substances -- that I'd say would make me immediately stop talking to a guy. For me, be-all end-alls are rare in the dating world.

At the same time, I've found that initial turn-offs are generally indicative of a larger flaw. For example, I once went out with a guy who refused to pay on the first date. I rationalized it to death, telling myself it was a fluke occurrence. Maybe he's just broke, I told myself, maybe he's trying to not lead me on too quickly, maybe he just isn't that up on date protocol.

Turns out all of those were false.

He never paid for me, and his financial shortcomings were reflective of a reluctance to be invested in our future.

So maybe I should have gone with my gut and called a deal-breaker at the relationship's get-go after all.

What about you? Do you attach deal-breakers to relationships? Do they come with exceptions? Is there a difference between a trait-based deal-breaker (smoking, for example) and a belief-based one (say, belonging to a different church)?

Send me your thoughts. You know you want to.